Honi the circler and a line of power

Tonight I went to see Morgenstern again. The energy felt very good tonight, and I wasn't disappointed.

When we first got there, I had a long conversation with a man there I have met before who seems to take care of a lot of the logistical details around the yeshiva. He had told me earlier of another Hasidic master that I should meet. Tonight I asked him how to get to meet this person. He told me there were several ways: the first was to get accepted into his "Kollel" or adult study where a person receives a stipend to study. Baring that, the easiest way to meet him was to donate money, say, around $1000 or bring people to him that would donate. When I indicated that those weren't good options, he told me that he teaches classes, and if I dressed like a hassid, I could sneak into one of the classes. At that point, I realized that this teacher was probably not someone I'd want to meet with anyway. Too many layers. And I don't want to meet someone for whom I have to pretend to be someone else. So I'll keep looking for other kabbalistic masters.

I also asked him how he experienced Morgenstern's energy. he said it was like light emanating out from him. It was in the sephirah of Keter. An interesting way of talking about it, but not one I understand yet.

During the first talk that Morgenstern gave, I went very deep and felt a lot of power. At first I tried to connect with Morgenstern, but quickly realized that there was another soul right in front of me, above and to the left. Last week, when I was there, I was very sick, and another soul came to the same place. I thought at that point that it was the Amshinover. He pressed into the left side of my head until I finally let him in. He then put a long pole of light down through my head into the center of my body. I asked him what it was and he said: Boundaries. I've been playing with it all week.

Tonight, the soul was much more powerful, and again pushed a rod of light into my body. This time, however, it went above and below me, and had handholds like knots in a rope every few feet. When I asked who it was, I was asked back if it was important. No, I said, so I let it be. Later on, I thought it was Honi the Circler (a talmudic figure) and asked again. This time, he drew a circle for me. I asked him about how to get powerful and he said that in asking the question, I was preventing it from happening. That my motivations for becoming powerful were to impress others. I thought that I needed to become more modest, and he said no, that would happen on it's own. I needed to focus on learning, not self-aggrandizing, and I would move forward. Then he said he was done, and he was gone. He is definitely not a soul I can call, and I count myself blessed that he showed up.

I connected to Morgenstern then, and again, he was very far away. I realized that I could use the rod that Honi had put into my body like a ling shu, a spiritual pivot, to climb into the spiritual world. So I went up and found myself inside myself looking down at the room. I could see that Morgenstern didn't have spirits around him, as I suspected, telling him what to say (magidim), but instead was filled with divine light that gave him the inspiration. And that light emanated out into the room. Just like my friend had described. But I also realized that he wasn't getting anything back from the other people in the room.

Some people have a guru mentality, where they are nourished by the attention they receive from others. Some have a dark guru power where they take other's power to use as their own, thereby making the other people dependent on them. Morgenstern didn't seem to get anything from the people in the room. He was doing what he was doing, and some of the people in the room were taking from him, which I think must be hard on him, some were not connecting at all, and almost none were giving anything back to him. I can only think it must be very draining on him. I tried to figure out how I could give back to him and make it a two way connection, but I'm not sure I succeeded. It made me think it's time to meet him outside of these Motzei Shabbat (Saturday night) talks.