Cleaning out the basement

I went to Morgenstern's last week. I got there early and the rebbe had not arrived yet, so people were sitting around talking or studying. I found a place at the table and next to me was a copy of Likutei Moharan, the teaching of Reb Nachman of Bretslev. I opened up to a page at random and scanned my fingers over the text to feel what text I was supposed to read. I landed on a passage about how a person's love for God is through the heart and the love is connected to Ayn Sof (a name for God meaning "without end"). The passage continues that a person must constrict one's heart slightly to make room in it to do God's work. Much as God needed to constrict himself to leave room for the created within him. To me, I realized that the love that is in my heart is Ayn Sof, without end.

When the rebbe came in, I sang the nigunim and fell into the half-trance of the place. I was with Reb Nachman in the woods. He was screaming to God and I was with him. When he began to speak, it intensified. Nachman led me to my spiritual beit midrash, but instead of going through the entrance, we went into the basement. I didn't even know there was a basement. The way in was through a small pipe. I squeezed through and found myself in a dark room where the darkness was almost palatable. There were many small tables, and across each, two people were studying. But the entire place was studying. Nachman was nowhere to be seen.

I walked through the room until I came to one table which seemed to have more light than the others. I understood that I was supposed to study with them. I sat down, but they did not want me there. One of them finally got up so we could study. I asked what book, but got a stern look back and finger to lip told me to be quiet. The eyes were what stood out for me: small, beady, and full of rage. He stared at me and handed me a book. I opened it and saw the letter kuf (ק) drawn large in the center of the page, and surrounding it were words made from small black, fiery letters. The only word I could read was Kadosh, holy.

I tried to match his intensity, but couldn't. Every time I tried to speak, he told me to be quiet. I didn't know what to do. So I finally tried to connect to him with love. I reached out my heart and felt like I was going through many layers of heavy, worn-out clothing. As I was doing this, I noticed that many of the others in the basement had stopped studying and were gathering silently around our table.

I finally reached inside of him, and found a beautiful light that came forth from him. I felt my keter (crown) open and a tunnel open above me that leads up to the higher worlds. His bright soul left and went up the tunnel. As soon as he was gone, another sat in his place and wanted the same thing. The second was much easier, and soon they were all shedding their clothing and going upward. I had the sense that they were trapped tzaddikim and I was letting them go to do their work. As the last ones went upward, I felt myself carried upward with them.

I went up the tunnel to the cloud realm - a place I've been before and there was Nachman. When he turned, across him body was the letter Kuf (ק). The top of the letter went across his shoulders and the rest was drawn down his torso, with the long line down dropping to his legs. He came to me, embraced me, and I was back in the room with Morgenstern.