Akeda in the desert

There is a very interesting passage in last week's Torah portion that reads:

Shemot 4:24-26

כד וַיְהִי בַדֶּרֶךְ, בַּמָּלוֹן; וַיִּפְגְּשֵׁהוּ יְהוָה, וַיְבַקֵּשׁ הֲמִיתוֹ.	24 And it came to pass on the way at the lodging-place, that the LORD met him, and sought to kill him.
כה וַתִּקַּח צִפֹּרָה צֹר, וַתִּכְרֹת אֶת-עָרְלַת בְּנָהּ, וַתַּגַּע, לְרַגְלָיו; וַתֹּאמֶר, כִּי חֲתַן-דָּמִים אַתָּה לִי.	25 Then Zipporah took a flint, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet; and she said: 'Surely a bridegroom of blood art thou to me.'
כו וַיִּרֶף, מִמֶּנּוּ; אָז, אָמְרָה, חֲתַן דָּמִים, לַמּוּלֹת.	26 So He let him alone. Then she said: 'A bridegroom of blood in regard of the circumcision.'

The context of the story is that Moshe has just seen the burning bush and is headed off back to Eygpt to lead the people to freedom. The chronology of the chapter goes like this: Moshe encounters God in the burning bush and receives instructions on how to lead the people out of slavery and prove that he speaks for God (sign and wonders). Moshe leaves his father in law Jethro with his wife Zipporah and his two sons, then receives further instructions about what to say to Pharoah, and then we have the puzzling passage above.

At Morgenstern's last night, I meditated on the passage and Zipporah came to me and showed me her perspective on the events. I will do my best to recount what she showed me.

Moshe came to stay with Jethro and married her. He began then to study with Jethro, who was a priest and taught Moshe about how to connect to God. He could see in Moshe great potential, which was limited by his view on himself. He saw himself as never one to win arguments with his mouth. As he said to God (Shemot 4:10) "I am not a man of words... I am heavy of mouth and heavy of speech." But he was always good with his fists and was an imposing physical figure.

But when Moshe came down from the mountain one day and spoke of a burning bush, something within him had changed. It was obvious that he had had an intense spiritual experience, and he shown with an inner light. He talked it over with Jethro, who advised him to follow the vision. They packed up their two young sons and belongings and headed off for Egypt. During the journey, the presence of God came to him again, and it was there that Zipporah saw that what he was experiencing was far beyond anything she had seem in her father's house. She could feel it as it came within him and surrounded him.

But there was something else that it was asking him to do that he was refusing to do and refusing to talk about. The presence left him and it took something out of him as it went. He fell sick. They were near a town, so they stopped. She sought out the local healers, most of whom were charlatans and Zipporah knew enough to stay away from them - growing up in the house of a priest has it's benefits. She finally found one who was genuine. He came to Moses and quickly said that there was nothing he could do - it was far beyond his power.

That night, Moshe awoke from his fever and said that the lord was asking him to sacrifice his eldest son Gershom. It was then that Zipporah understood what she had to do. Moshe had refused the order of God and was sick or dying for it. Zipporah needed a ritual of such power as to appease God and sway the decree. She performed the circumcision, touched Moshe's feet with the foreskin and released Moshe from this decree.

That's more or less the story she showed me. I was impressed with what a strong woman she was. Being able to perform such a powerful ritual on her own son must have required immense courage. She had felt the power of God and knew what she was trying to influence, and she did it anyway. Perhaps there should be a book like the Red Tent about her and her perspective on the Exodus.

Barchot 18b - the wrong motivation

We just studied a Talmudic story in Berachot 18b. The general question that was asked to which the story is an answer is if the dead know what the living are doing. Here is an English translation from Come-and-Here.com (This is a christian site that, according to one of the Jewish sites, is not really very kind towards Jews, but they have a good translation on line.):

Come and hear: The father of Samuel had some money belonging to orphans deposited with him. When he died, Samuel was not with him, and they called him, 'The son who consumes the money of orphans'. So he went after his father to the cemetery, and said to them [the dead]. I am looking for Abba.²³ They said to him: There are many Abbas here. I want Abba b. Abba, he said. They replied: There are also several Abbas b. Abba here. He then said to them: I Want Abba b. Abba the father of Samuel; where is he? They replied: He has gone up to the Academy of the Sky.²⁴ Meanwhile he saw Levi sitting outside.²⁵ He said to him: Why are you sitting outside? Why have you not gone up [to heaven]? He replied: Because they said to me: For as many years as you did not go up to the academy of R. Efes and hurt his feelings,²⁶ we will not let you go up to the Academy of the Sky. Meanwhile his father came. Samuel observed that he was both weeping and laughing. He said to him: Why are you weeping? He replied: Because you are coming here soon. And why are you laughing? Because you are highly esteemed in this world. He thereupon said to him: If I am esteemed, let them take up Levi; and they did take up Levi. He then said to him: Where is the money of the orphans? He replied: Go and you will find it in the case of the millstones. The money at the top and the bottom is mine, that in the middle is the orphans' He said to him: Why did you do like that? He replied: So that if thieves came, they should take mine, and if the earth destroyed any, it should destroy mine. Does not this²⁷ show that they know? — Perhaps Samuel was exceptional: as he was esteemed, they proclaimed beforehand, Make way [for him]!

There are many possible explanations and issues with this story. I wanted to touch on a shamanic aspect that struck me. The story starts with money given to Samuel's father that is charity for orphans. His father dies and no one knows where the money went, so people start saying that Samuel must have taken (eaten) it. So Samuel goes to ask his father where the money is.

When Samuel goes looking for his father, the translation here is "So he went after his father to the cemetery..." The word in the Talmud for cemetery is "חצר מות" which means garden/yard/court of the dead. This can refer to a cemetery or it could refer to some sort of place where the dead hold court. I have to get a concordance and look up other places where the word occurs. In any case, he is using a technique to enter into the spirit world.

When he gets there, the souls give him a hard time about finding his father. The question arises as to why this is so. Usually, when looking for the soul of a loved one, it's not that hard, especially when someone is recently dead. So why the difficulty? In reading further, the souls do tell him where to find his father, but he still doesn't meet his father until after meeting with Levi. Levi was a friend of Samuel's in life, but was denied entrance into the heavenly beit midrash (academy) due to a slight of another teacher.

At that point, Samuel's father comes to him both laughing and crying. Crying because Samuel will soon join him and laughing because Samuel is so important. Samuel than uses his importance to get Levi into the heavenly beit midrash. His father then tells him where the money for the orphans was hidden.

My thinking is that Samuel could not find his father due to his motivation. His initial impetus for seeking his father is that people are slandering his reputation, saying that he stole the charity money for the orphans. Spiritual work is not done for personal gain. That might be a by-product, but it's not the goal. Samuel was seeking to clear his name at first, not to give charity. When he met Levi, he was presented with an opportunity to do for others. Samuel gains nothing by asking for the inclusion of Levi, but redeems himself by doing good for others. Only then is he worthy of finding out where the money is and redeeming his name. When it is clear that he is looking for the money to give it to charity and not just for his own benefit.

Cleaning out the basement

I went to Morgenstern's last week. I got there early and the rebbe had not arrived yet, so people were sitting around talking or studying. I found a place at the table and next to me was a copy of Likutei Moharan, the teaching of Reb Nachman of Bretslev. I opened up to a page at random and scanned my fingers over the text to feel what text I was supposed to read. I landed on a passage about how a person's love for God is through the heart and the love is connected to Ayn Sof (a name for God meaning "without end"). The passage continues that a person must constrict one's heart slightly to make room in it to do God's work. Much as God needed to constrict himself to leave room for the created within him. To me, I realized that the love that is in my heart is Ayn Sof, without end.

When the rebbe came in, I sang the nigunim and fell into the half-trance of the place. I was with Reb Nachman in the woods. He was screaming to God and I was with him. When he began to speak, it intensified. Nachman led me to my spiritual beit midrash, but instead of going through the entrance, we went into the basement. I didn't even know there was a basement. The way in was through a small pipe. I squeezed through and found myself in a dark room where the darkness was almost palatable. There were many small tables, and across each, two people were studying. But the entire place was studying. Nachman was nowhere to be seen.

I walked through the room until I came to one table which seemed to have more light than the others. I understood that I was supposed to study with them. I sat down, but they did not want me there. One of them finally got up so we could study. I asked what book, but got a stern look back and finger to lip told me to be quiet. The eyes were what stood out for me: small, beady, and full of rage. He stared at me and handed me a book. I opened it and saw the letter kuf (ק) drawn large in the center of the page, and surrounding it were words made from small black, fiery letters. The only word I could read was Kadosh, holy.

I tried to match his intensity, but couldn't. Every time I tried to speak, he told me to be quiet. I didn't know what to do. So I finally tried to connect to him with love. I reached out my heart and felt like I was going through many layers of heavy, worn-out clothing. As I was doing this, I noticed that many of the others in the basement had stopped studying and were gathering silently around our table.

I finally reached inside of him, and found a beautiful light that came forth from him. I felt my keter (crown) open and a tunnel open above me that leads up to the higher worlds. His bright soul left and went up the tunnel. As soon as he was gone, another sat in his place and wanted the same thing. The second was much easier, and soon they were all shedding their clothing and going upward. I had the sense that they were trapped tzaddikim and I was letting them go to do their work. As the last ones went upward, I felt myself carried upward with them.

I went up the tunnel to the cloud realm - a place I've been before and there was Nachman. When he turned, across him body was the letter Kuf (ק). The top of the letter went across his shoulders and the rest was drawn down his torso, with the long line down dropping to his legs. He came to me, embraced me, and I was back in the room with Morgenstern.