Demons among the ruins

In Masechet Berachot 3a-3b, there is a story of R. Yossi entering a ruin in Jerusalem to pray. Eliyahu comes and guards the door while he prays, and then chastises him for praying there when he is done. R Jose states that, among other things, he learned that one should never pray in a ruin. Eliyahu then asks him what he heard while praying. R Jose replies that he heard a divine voice (בת קול) that was lamenting over the destruction of the temple. The Gemera continues with a discussion of why one should not pray in a ruin. The main reason given is to avoid demons (מזיקין). But if there are two righteous people then the demons will not manifest unless it is a place that is known to be haunted.

The word for Demon is מזיק which derives from the root נזק and means something that causes damage. This offers a relatively simple definition of a demon or bad spirit. It is one who causes us damage. The passage also supplies a relatively simple method for avoiding demons - keep good company when doing spiritual practices. But it is not enough to be with others when opening to the shamanic realm, the others must be כשרים or Kosher! Literally it means that they are proper or fit. To prevent spirits from damaging one needs to be surrounded by people who are upstanding and nourishing.

Places absorb energy from the people who lived there. Depending on the energy, different types of souls will be attracted to that place. In the ruins of Jerusalem not long after the destruction of the Temple, there would be a lot of dark energy surrounding those ruins. The last people who lived there likely died by either starvation or murder or worse. The first thing that he would have felt there would have been that pain. R. Yossi entered those ruins, opened himself to the spiritual world and heard a divine voice mourning the destruction. R. Yossi felt but was not overwhelmed by the sadness and pain. For another person, that pain might evoke fear or pain which makes a person in the spiritual realm more open to negative influences.

R. Yossi's initial prayers had called an exceptionally strong spiritual presence to him in Eliyahu hanavi. The text reads: בא אליהו זכור לטוב ושמר לי על הפתח Eliyahu, of blessed memory, came and guarded me on the opening. The traditional way of reading it is that Eliyahu guarded the door, but one could also read it that Eliyahu guarded the spiritual opening so that R. Yossi could hear the divine voice without being overwhelmed by the pain and sadness of the place or becoming susceptible to the spirits that are attracted to a place like that.

One can contrast this to the demons who do damage. The angels guard and nourish us. When we are with people who we trust and love, then the energy we create draws good spirits to us. When we are with people who's actions and intentions are questionable, the distrust and fear draws bad spirits to us. This is especially true if we are in a place that is full of dark energy. The gemera refers to places that are known to be haunted by demons. These are the dark places of power. Even when we are with trusted companions, we have to be careful in these places before we enter into the spiritual world there.

By and large, who we are determines the spirits that we encounter when we enter the shamanic realm. That's why it's very important to continually work on oneself as one walks this path. R. Yossi teaches us to be careful with our company and where we pray so that each opening into the shamanic realm is not filled with pain but instead we encounter those who guard and guide us even through difficult situations.

Photo courtesy of Callmetim

Processing Fear

There are three facets to using fear for power.

You need to learn to feel/see the fear itself, and not react to it with another emotion - usually sadness or anger. Then you can get used to it so you can identify it in your life. The more time you spend with it, the more you will get desensitized to it so you feel but don't act on it's advice. Finally you feel compassion for yourself for having been so scared and send the fear Love. In that moment, you will reclaim the power of the fear.

Photo courtesy of Dean Ayers

Does fear of God connect us to God?

This weeks Torah portion contains an interesting and very Jewish way of connecting to God. The background: the Hebrews are wandering in the desert. Miriam has just died and they have run out of water (there are many good midrashim about that connection). The people come to Moshe and Aaron and are complaining bitterly of their thirst.

Numbers 20:6:

ויבא משא ואהרן מפני הקהל אל פתח אהל מועד ויפלו על פניהם וירא כבוד יקוק אלקים: וידבר יקוק אל משה לאמר

Moshe and Aaron came away from in front of the community to the tent of meeting. They fell on their faces and they feared the presence of hashem their God. And God spoke to Moshe saying...

The key phrase here is "feared the presence of hashem their God". There are several ways of understanding this phrase. Either he feared to have the presence of God enter the room, or his fear was the way he connected to God.

Moshe was going through a tough time. His sister had just died. The people he had saved from slavery with miracles and wonders were complaining bitterly that he was now going to let them die in the desert. He did not know what to do. He came to the Tent of Meeting, where he normally would go to talk to God and fell down on his face instead of just walking in. Moshe was fed up and exhausted. He wasn't sure he wanted to talk to God. He was scared of what God might require him to do.

Or maybe he was just scared. He was in the middle of the desert and midrash states that Miriam always dealt with finding water (in corporeal or mystical ways). He was scared that he really had no solution for the people's need for water. And that fear connected him to God even though he was in a place where he felt no connection to God.

God had mercy רחמים on him. He told Moshe to talk to a rock and it would produce water. It was a simple thing to do. But Moshe was so emotionally worked up that when he went to the rock, he struck it with it his staff instead of speaking to it. For this he was prevented from entering the land of Israel. Perhaps God knew that Moshe needed to turn from a crisis leader to a leader of peace, from one who can send plagues to one who can talk for his solutions, but Moshe couldn't make the transition.

When we are emotionally charged, we are full of fear. It can lock us into ourselves and prevent us seeing the world around us. Or we can engage with our fear and use it's energy to grow closer to God.

Photo courtesy of Bootload

The Unbinding of Avraham

 

Photo Courtesy of Underpuppy (And Rembrandt)

As my study of sacrifices continues, we have come to the Akeda - the binding of Isaac (Genesis 22). Avraham is asked to sacrifice his only child and in return for doing so, he is rewarded with a promise from God that he will have many, many descendants. The paradox is that in his willingness to give up the thing he most cherished, he was able to assure that it would remain.

The story is very well known and studied. God tests Avraham by telling him that he needs to sacrifice his son as an Olah עלה sacrificial offering. Avraham sets off with his son and two servants. He gets to Mount Moriah, binds Isaac, and places him on top of his newly built alter. As he reaches out for the knife to do the sacrifice, an angel calls out to him and tells him to stop. He raises his eyes and sees a ram stuck in a thicket which he sacrifices instead.

To understand the deeper meaning, we need to look at changes that occurred as a result of the Akeda. As Avraham is approaching the mountain, he and Isaac are described as walking as one: וילכו שניהם יחדו (Gn 22:8). After the Akeda, Avraham returns to his servants but we are not told what happened to Isaac. The two never spoke again after that day, and Midrash has it that they departed separately from the mountain. It is certain that they no longer walked as one.

In response to Avraham's actions, God blesses him with "...descendants as numerous as the stars of heaven..." (Gn 22:17) If the separation that occurred between the two led to the blessing of descendants, then the connection between the two was a spiritual blockage that prevented it. As Avraham was the one commanded by God, then the blockage was inside of him.

In Shamanic healing,  most powerful blockages are usually fear. In this case, Avraham's greatest fear was that he would not have descendants (see Gn 15:2). As is the case with all fears, if they have power over us and we work too hard to try to prevent them coming true, that pretty much ensures that they will come true. In order to take back the power from the fear, Avraham had to be willing to give up his what he most wanted. 

When Avraham reaches for the knife he is stopped and looks up to sees a ram. The text reads "וירא הנה איל אחר" And he saw, here was another (a different) ram (Gn 22:13). The text makes a point earlier in Genesis 22:7-8 that there was no animal for the offering, so how can there be "another" at this point? If you remove the Yod from איל (ram) then you are left with El, God. The fear had become so dominant for Avraham that it had become like a God to him. At that moment, he was finally able to see the fear that had been the other god in his life and in sacrificing it, bring himself back to God.

It was the emotional intensity of the moment that freed him. In order to go through the catharsis, he had to believe that he really was going to do it. When I think of ways to bring this idea into the modern world, we must be prepared to give up things that we want in order to make them happen. It's important to note that Avraham's fears revolved around Isaac and not around himself. He was trying to influence something over which he ultimately had no control.

It's a lesson to all parents, that we can hope for our children, but it's best not to be dominated by our expectations and fears for our children. It will only ensure that the fears will come true. If it's in our control, we can work hard and get it. If it's out of our control, we always have to be prepared to let go of it completely.

One final note on symbolism in the text: when Avraham gets to the top of the mountain, he built an alter, laid out the wood, then bound Isaac. Building the alter is how Avraham builds spiritual power and creates connection to God. Laying out the wood is the preparation that went into the act. In order for wood to burn easily as is required for a burnt offering, it needs to be dried for months and sometimes years. It shows that Avraham had already been putting in a lot of hard work before God enabled him to break through the fear.

The last is the actual binding of Isaac. There is a midrash that Isaac asked Avraham to bind him so when the moment came, he did not flinch. When we go to do things of such emotional intensity, we need to bind ourselves to the act so that we don't flinch when the moment comes.

Shaking in the shefa

This is the Lurianic technique I learned for shaking the four species:

A quick note: the four species represent the name of God. The הדסה (myrtle) is the yod, The ארבות (willow) is the first hay, The לולב (palm) is the vav, and the אתרוג (Etrog) is the second hay.

Recite the blessing for shaking the four species with the lulav in the right hand and the etrog (held upside down with the stem facing downward) in the left. The two should not be touching. The blessing is Baruch Ata Hashem Elokeinu Melech Haolam asher kidshanu b'mitvotav vetzivanu al nitilat lulav.

Turn the etrog over and then hold them together.

Do each movement three times:

Hold the four species out to your right and shake three times drawing the shefa of Hesed חסד. Pull the hesed into yourself and shake three times near your heart.

Hold the four species to your left and shake three times drawing the shefa of Gevurah גבורה. Pull it into your heart and shake three times near your heart.

Hold the four species in front of you and shake three times drawing the shefa of Tiferet תפארת. Pull it into your heart and shake three times near your heart.

Hold the four species upwards and shake three times drawing the shefa of Nesach נצח. Pull it into your heart and shake three times near your heart.

Hold the four species downwards and shake three times drawing the shefa of Hod הוד. Pull it into your heart and shake three times near your heart.

Hold the four species behind you (either over your shoulder or turn around) and shake three times drawing the shefa of yesod יסוד. Pull it into your heart and shake three times near your heart.

The Principle of the 1000th.

Photo courtesy of Rahel Sharon

My friend Mike Short, who is an excellent acupuncturist and herbalist, is also a serious martial artist. I asked him once how he got so good at herbs and his response was that he treated it like martial arts: you learn a technique and then practice it a 1000 times. After the 1000th time, you realize how it works and what you've been doing wrong so far. So you do it another 1000 times. At this point, you see how you can begin to make it your own and begin to notice the subtleties of the technique. So you do it another 1000 times and you actually understand it. And then you can learn another technique. He approached herbs in the same way and it made him an amazing herbalist.

When I mentioned this story to my mentor John, his reaction was that in Shamanic work, after the 1000th time, you really don't need another technique. If you pick one technique that is meaningful to you and do it for years, then you won't need another. It will take you where ever you need to go.

I was reminded of this rule this morning while studying in a friend's sukkah. He asked me if had done the four species. I replied that I hadn't.

There are certain things that make sense to us in the abstract, but because we didn't grow up with them, they seem weird. I didn't grow up shaking a Lulav and Etrog, so it's always felt weird to me and I don't do it.

He reminisced that the first time he had worn his kippah outside of yeshiva, he felt very strange: as if everyone was going to stare at him all the time. He quickly realized that here in Jerusalem, no one really noticed. And shortly after, it felt more natural to wear a kippah than to not. He had his own weird factor to get over.

He then pulled out his lulav and etrog and taught me a very powerful Lurianic kavannah (intention) to do while shaking them. For the first time in my life, I felt power in the ritual. The Holiday is over tomorrow, so I don't think I'll have much time to do more shaking, but next year I'll buy the four species and do some shaking. Maybe after the 1000 time, I'll begin to understand the ritual.

Energy centers

Over the past few years, I've gradually become aware of three major energy centers in the body: my forehead, my heart, and my lower abdomen (hara). Interestingly, each of these is considered the center in different traditions. In Jewish mysticism, the forehead is very important as one's inner light shines from there. There is a long tradition of reading letters and words on a person's forehead. As a persons spirit becomes stronger and more pure, the letters become clearer. The heart is a center of power for the shamanic tradition I've studied, and is the source for bringing love and healing into the world. The lower abdomen is called the Hara is Chinese medicine and is the center of power in the martial arts world.

Each is a different way of connected to my patients. When a patient first comes in and I begin to connect with them, I try to be aware of how I'm connecting to them. I'm always surprised that how I'm connecting is not what I expect. I expect an intellectual person will connect through the forehead, but then I find a heart connection with them. Even now, I feel the urge to define each connection and what it is used for, but the truth is that they are just three ways of doing the same things.

I see the primary roles of the shaman as threefold: gaining sight or knowledge, creating the space for healing, and action. All of these are directed towards healing and unifying with God. And all three energy centers can do all three tasks. Sometimes the heart connection is what's needed to move through a blockage, sometimes the forehead.

Jewish study and prayer often concentrate energy in my forehead, which makes me think too much. It takes an act of will while praying to bring the energy down. I often wonder if Jewish spiritual techniques make us tend towards overthinking, or if our value on education led to the most intellectual people developing the spiritual techniques, but either way, we are definitely encouraged and trained to think.

My general tendency, by nature or by being raised in an academic intellectual household, is to overthink. I've found that I often need to draw in the energy at my forehead. It feels like putting a metal plate over my forehead to keep the energy in. At that point, my heart radiates and gets stronger. I think much of my power lies in my heart, but the overthinking saps it and drains the power off. When I close my forehead, the energy can accumulate in my heart.

All shaman are different and it's important to know where your power lies. I'm curious what other people perceive as their energy centers and how they use that in healing. Let me know what you think.

Love or Fear - It's your choice

I talked to John the other night and he gave me some simple wisdom in response to my questions about how to choose the good inclination (יצר הטוב) over the bad one (יצר הרע).

He said it's really making a choice between fear and love. If you choose to live with love, then it will be easy to make the choices that nourish and support. If you choose to live with fear, then the choices will be ones of self-destruction.

So how, I asked, does one move from fear to love?

He answered that it's about learning to send love to your fears. Simple to say, hard to do. The example we talked about was dealing with old memories of times that were dominated by fear. We can't change who we were, but we can change our attachment to the memory.

In this particular memory, I had not realized how scared I was at the time it happened, but in retrospect, it was very clear to me that I was being controlled by my fear. I concentrated on the memory and then threw my arms around my young self to send love. As I did, the feeling of the memory changed. I think this is one I'm going to have to go back to a few times, but the fear was starting to change. And in doing so, I'm changing who I am now by changing my attachment to who I was.

I'm learning to send love to my fear, and in that way, give power to my self-nourishing inclination and remove it from my self-destructive one.

How you describe yourself determines who you are

I used to be an auto mechanic and every once and a while a friend had a car question for me. This morning, I helped acquaint a friend with her new car. She had never owned a car before and was interested in what was under the hood.

We popped the hood and as I pointed out each of the mechanical systems. She asked questions and wanted to know what kind of maintenance each needed. Mostly she was worried about how often she will need to check her oil and top off her fluids.

At one point, I think it was when I was describing the cooling system, she said something to the effect of: "So if there's a problem there, I'll go in to my mechanic and tell him my radiator's broken and he needs to replace this part?" I stopped her right there. "Don't tell your mechanic what's wrong with the car," I said, "tell him what you are hearing or experiencing in the car, and let him determine what's wrong. You are not the expert, he is." It's something I've told patients before: don't arrive with a diagnosis, come in with a set of problems, tell your healer how you make sense of things and understand them, but always start with what you are feeling before you try to make sense of it.

What I realized today is that this is another way to get in touch with your soul. Who we think we are often prevents us from seeing who we really are, but if we get in the habit of accurately describing ourselves, we can avoid that pit-fall.

Energy mirrors

Something interesting happened today during a treatment. Often, I am able to feel, physically, what my patient is feeling. Today, as I felt it, I tried to work on it within myself. I could feel two things happening at once, my energy was shifting within myself and the energy was shifting within my client. There were times when I needed to nudge a little on one side or the other, but the two were changing together.

The sensation of feeling two things at the same time was also noteworthy. I’ve felt it before, though usually it’s when I’m trying to work on myself and using someone else as a mirror. I connect with the other person and then try to connect with myself through them. That allows me to see myself from another perspective and then work on myself. Today, I was using myself as a mirror for the other person to work on them through me.

The value of Silence

I heard a wonderful piece of advice recently that came from a friend in Boston:

"You should wait to speak until you are unable to prevent yourself from speaking."

She explained it as meaning you shouldn't say the first thing that comes to mind, but listen to the conversation very carefully, engage fully in what's happening around you, and then speak when you really have something to say.

My take on it is always be aware of our motivations when speaking. Are we saying something because we genuinely want to help the other person? Are we speaking to create connection between ourselves and others? Are we speaking to gratify our own egos? Are we speaking to dominate another person? Are we using what we say to hide ourselves from others and deflect the conversation away from ourselves? Are we speaking because the souls are speaking through us and guiding our voices? All of these, and many more, are possibilities when we speak.

The sages often talk about nullification of one's ego as a part of spiritual work, and I think one of the easiest tools to that end is to listen carefully to what we say. Every word that comes our of our mouths has the potential to create or destroy relationships and worlds. Examining the words we use will let us know if we are speaking for our own benefit, or the benefit of the world and God.

Yod

My Chevruta Dov, who is a scribe, wrote a letter for me a few weeks ago. I had asked him to write me a letter that I could then focus on and use to help "see" better. He wrote me a Yod.

When I focused on the letter, it showed me that it was composed on three parts: the crown on top, the body, and leg, each a separate gate. I began with the leg. As I focused into it, I felt myself turning quickly to either the right or the left. It was like a prism, that instantly shifted the direction of the light that entered it. The body was filled with the swirling energies of creation, and the crown on top was filled with the pure light of God.

Putting it all together, I see the letter as representing powerful change done either in the direction of God or under the direction of God.

When you add vowel sounds to it, it changes the emphasis between the three parts. The different vowel sounds change the emphasis between the three parts. Though kamatz (the ah sound that looks like a T) brings out only the top two: the light of God and the power of creation, which makes sense, as that is, when pronounced, a name of God.

When I came back to Dov, excited by what I'd seen, he told me that the Yod is usually thought of as Keter-Hochma-Binah, the three highest sephirot.

He then told me that what he'd actually written was a vav! I realized I had looked at it quickly, then pictured a yod in my head when I meditated. So now I have to find out what comes from the vav. More next week!

Mishnah Berachot 5:5 - R. Hanina's Healing

There is a very interesting mishnah about healing found in Berachot mishnah 5:5 (translation is mine):

Some who prays and makes a mistake: it's a bad sign for him. If the prayer leader [shaliah tzibur – emissary of the public] makes a mistake, it's a bad sign for all who are led because those who send an emissary are just like him. It's it said of rabbi Hanina ben Dosa that when he would pray for the sick, he would then say: this one will live, and this one will die. The said to him: From where do you know? He said to them: if the prayer is fluent in my mouth, and I know that it will be received, but if not, I know he will be consumed by the illness [literally torn apart or devoured].

My first response to this was of course that's how it is. If R. Hanina was connected to God, he will know when his prayers are having an effect and when they aren't. By connecting to the sick person and then praying, he knows if the person can heal or not.

I had a teacher in school who described a certain type of pulse that indicated that the patient would die in the next few days, and that he had felt this pulse in the past and the patient did pass away soon after. When I asked another teacher about it, he described a different pulse, but said it doesn't work that way in reality, only in theory. I asked a third teacher, and she said that was bunk, she'd worked on terminal patients who died shortly after she saw them and she felt nothing in the pulse. My conclusion was that the first teacher had a gift for knowing when a person would die, and the tool he used for it was the pulse.

Similarly, R. Hanina had a gift for knowing when a person would recover or die, and the tool he used was how well his prayer for the patient came out of mouth.

People have different “tells” for when the spirit world is communicating with them. When I started this work, my tell was pressure on the left side of my head. Whenever there was spiritual energy in the room, my head would feel like someone was pressing on the side. Others feel it in different places in their bodies, or they just know. After a while, I learned to distinguish between my imagined or internal feelings, and those that were connected to the spirit world. At first I relied solely on my “tell”, but after a while, I started to recognize the qualitative difference in my feelings.

R. Hanina's “tell” was how well his mouth worked when he said the prayer. The text asks "From where do you know this?" R. Hanina answer is a response to this question, and he is telling us about his indicator or "tell" for his receiving a message from the spirit world and God. It is unclear if is when he said the prayer itself or just the person's name, though he knew that if he stumbled during one of them, the prognosis was poor.

After a Spiritual Journey: Bread and Wine

I heard a wonderful teaching today from my teacher Avraham: according to Jewish tradition, when a person returns from a mercavah journey, having visited the heavenly palaces, and stood in the presence of God, the best thing to do is to eat and drink.

To me, this is pure technique: when someone has been meditating deeply or journeying, one of the best ways to ground oneself and bring oneself fully back to the physical world is to eat.

In Genesis 15:18, during the meeting of Avraham Avinu and King Melchizedek of Salem, we are told that "Malchizedek of Salem brought out bread and wine". He then gives Avraham avinu a blessing.

Another story Avraham my teacher relayed was of a Hasidic rabbi who was known to rise up to the heavenly realm during prayer. He had a hasid (disciple) who's job it was to hand the Rabbi bread and butter when he finished praying so that he could return fully to this world.

I believe there is another textual source, but haven't been able to find it yet. I'll post when I do.

Gevurot Geshamim

Sometimes it seems that I am led to certain topics. The latest is Gevurot Geshamim, גבורות גשמים, the strength/powers of the rain. At the end of Sukkkot, we change the rain prayer we say twice during the Amidah from blessings to rain.

The prayer occurs twice. The first time is during the prayer for reviving the dead, מחיה המתים, and the second is during the prayer for a good year. The Talmudic explanation for this is because when the rains come it is like reviving the dead. I remember being in the Negev desert many years ago and watching what I thought was a dead branch start to sprout immediately after the rains. There are certain plants in the desert that remain dormant for years and then come to life after the rains. Thus the rains can easily be understood as bringing life to the dead.

Interestingly, during this prayer, we mention the rains, but don't request any. Later, during the prayer for a good year, we specifically ask for a blessing during the summer, and dew and rain during the winter. In any land, rain is essential to agriculture, and too much or too little rain can determine who lives and who dies in the coming year.

Traditionally there are three things for which God alone is responsible: creating life (babies), reviving the dead, and the rains. This leads to very interesting discussions about the effect of modern technology on human power to effect those three things, but in my mind we are still technicians. For all the medical advances in IVF, we still have no idea how life is created. We can help it along, but if it works or not is far beyond us. We can predict the rain, but we have no control over it. We've just gotten better at observing what God does, not influencing it. Though human actions do seem to have an effect on the climate, we are just a small part of a very big system.

My question here is really about the term Gevurot Geshamim. In one sense it could mean just the strength of the rains meaning that we want strong rains and not just a drizzle. In another term, it might mean the power to cause the rain to fall. In that light, I called the soul of Honi the circler who was a Talmudic figure who actually did cause it to rain.

The last time I talked to him about this, he showed me that he could connect to the weather and influence in much the same way that I heal clients. If God meant for it to rain, then he was able to help that process happen, and if God did not, there was nothing he could do.

This time, he showed me how to connect to the energy of clouds. They felt very scattered, like touching something that has a form but very little substance. The process of helping the rain was one of filling the clouds so that they became fuller, more dense. When the cloud became too "pregnant" with energy, the rain would come forth. I practiced it awhile, connecting to God and then connecting to the clouds, though I don't think I'm much good at it. And it is very humbling to realize how little power one have over this process. The analogy that comes to mind is of pushing a truck. If you are going downhill, it will roll with your help, but if you are trying to push it uphill, there's not much you can do. Maybe the strength of the rains is the strength to push that truck?

I need to do some more study on this topic, so hopefully will write more in the future. I suspect also that this is one of those topics in Judaism which energetically comes up every year around this time, so if I don't get back to it soon, I'll probably be back next year about this time.

Prayer stones

I don't usually remember my dreams, though I tend to have more vivid dreams here in Jerusalem then I had in Boston. I had a dream a few weeks ago which has stuck with me:

I was carrying some stones that had great importance. They looked like regular round stones that might be found anywhere in New England, but they had some significance which I couldn't quite grasp. I kept looking at them but they were just ordinary stones.

In my dream, I carried the stones with me and I met some people who did not pray. As I held the stones, I could see them through the eyes of the people I had just met and they looked just like regular stones.

I continued on my way and met some people who were praying, and I knew, prayed regularly. I again was able to look through their eyes and saw that the stones were glowing!

When I awoke, the lesson was obvious. I knew that if I prayed on a regular basis, the stones would glow again. That somehow the prayers would allow me to see the radiance of the world.

Past lives

Last night at the Rebbe's, I asked Rebbe Nachman about past lives. I was curious about how to discover my past lives as I've never been aware of them. He took me on a very peculiar journey.

The visualization was traveling into a vagina, and then feeling the warm amniotic waters surround me. At this point, I could repeat the process to go further back, or feel the energy around me and know what it felt like to be in that lifetime. I don't know what my immediate prior life was, but the first life I felt was around 1919 or so. I was a Hasid on my way to see my rebbe. The next one I saw was 1853, and I was a peasant on a hunt. I was being careful as I was poaching from a lord's land.

At this point, I asked him if there was life that had something to teach me that I could use in this life. One of the reasons I've never really pursued past lives was that I didn't see much point. We are living in the present life, so all of our issues and problems can be dealt with here. But recently, I've been bumping into Karmic issues in my life, that is, issues that I was born with and have no clear cause in this lifetime. When I would go looking for patterns of actions to understand what and why I was doing certain things, there wasn't one. So that's why I decided to look in the past lives to see if they could help shed light on the current issues.

One thing I've seen John do is jump back through a client's lifetimes to find the genesis of an issue. When the genesis is dealt with, then the person is able to deal with the issue in the current lifetime. That was what I was trying to do with myself.

At that point, I jumped to a much earlier life where I was being killed. The only thing I could see in that lifetime was the moment of death. After going through the moment of death several times, I was able to see the person who was killing me. I realized that I had known and loved that person, and now they were killing me. As I sat with it longer, I was able to forgive that person. We were both warriors, and he had been my teacher, but when the political situation shifted, he had followed the rules of his side and fought against me. We had valued the political allegiances over the connections of the heart and he had killed me for it.

As I embraced him, I felt myself heal. I'm not sure exactly how yet, but we'll see how it goes. But in this lifetime, I know that I try to value the connections of the heart over political allegiances and rules that exist outside of myself.

Calling Jewish Souls: Four angels and Patriarchs & Matriarchs

I have been thinking about how Jews call souls and two techniques came to mind.

The first is the four angels which is done at bedtime when reading the nighttime Shema. On the right is Michael, on the left is Gabriel, in front is Oriel, behind is Raphael, and above is the Shechina. The technique is to say the Shema, then call each angel to their proper position. This is also a technique that can be done for others in the same manner.

The second technique is the first paragraph of the Amidah when we call the fore-fathers. As each patriarch is names, bow. Abraham is in the middle, Isaac to the left, and Jacob to the right, then Sarah to the middle, Rebecca to the left, and Rahel and Leah to the right (I alternate who I call first but I always say God of one then God of the other). During morning prayers, the ancestors come down to us, but during the evening prayers, we are raised up to them. I also use this technique during treatments to invite them to come and help with the healing.

These are two ways of calling Jewish souls, and I hope to write about more as I learn and practice them.

Worlds in the letters

I was at the rebbe's last night and had a vision of Reb Nachman. I met him, as usual, in a forest. We traveled for a little bit and I asked him how I could learn to see better in the spirit world. He said to follow him. We went through lots of twists and turns and I realized we were walking through a navy ship - up metal stairways, through doors, and down narrow passages. We emerged into blackness, I continued to follow him through nothingness. In front of us appeared a podium, the only lighted thing I could see, and on it was a table with a Torah laid open upon it.

I looked down into it and he told me to look at the letters, at every stroke, even at the crowns upon the letters. As I did, each one drew me in and opened into an entire world. It was like I was going through the letter into an entirely different place. When I pulled myself out and back to the podium, I looked again at a word and the word became translucent and I was drawn in and through it.

Reb Nachman told me to practice this technique. Start with a letter and see where it takes me and what it feels like. Then focus on the entire word, then on a sentence. Then start again at a new letter, even at a stroke or a crown, and see what it feels like and where it takes me. He said that if I practice this, then it will help me see.

On the way home, I told my friend about it and he mentioned that this is one of the Ba'al Shem Tov's fundamental ideas: that each letter of Torah is an entire world. So it makes sense that the BSh"T's grandson would send me there.

equalization

A interesting energetic pattern I've noticed lately is one of opposition in a relationship. There are times when my wife and I find ourselves in an interesting dynamic where one of us starts to head in a direction that has some sort of difficult emotional component for one or, usually, both of us. So in reaction, the other person starts to resist and head in the opposite direction. At some point, this dynamic assumes an energetic of it's own which is apart from whatever emotional components spawned it. At that point, we have to go through two steps: dealing with the difficult emotions, and removing the oppositional dynamic. These two are often related to one another, and are not always two distinct movements, but both need to be deal with.

What is even more interesting is that often, if one partner is still, even in the face of difficult emotions, the moment of the opposition will resolve itself before it spins into it's own energetic, and then the difficult emotions can be dealt with without the struggle. Though there are times when the oppositional dynamic is needed to power us and bring us forward into a new, better place. Those are times when we would not take such a strong or extreme stand if it was not in reaction to the other person, but that is the place where we actually belong. As the opposition resolves, we find a new equalization which is better (one hopes) for the two us.