Surrendering to the Bus Buzz

Photo by sicoactiva

I was waiting at the bus stop downtown yesterday needing to get home in a hurry. There are two buses that I can take: one which runs more frequently but takes longer, and one that runs less frequently and is much quicker. Just as I got the stop, the bus that takes longer pulled in. As I often do, I "vibed" the bus. Energetically, I placed the longer bus to my right and the quicker bus to my left. I shifted my attention between them and the quicker bus buzzed, so I chose not to get on the longer bus. After about two more minutes of waiting, the quicker bus pulled up and got me home without a problem.

I've been using this technique for a long time and find it very helpful. My interpretation is that I'm doing a small check in with the flow of the world to see where I should be at the moment. It's always important for me to remember that where I should be is not always where I want to be.

There are times when my buzz has been to take the longer bus which got stuck in a bad traffic jam. As I'm sitting there grumbling to myself, I have to remember that there is some reason that I'm on this bus and not the other. Sometimes it's a reason I can see: when I get off the bus I bump into a friend who I haven't seen for awhile. Sometimes it's for a reason I can't see: so I didn't run into the friend who really isn't good for me. And sometimes, it feels like the reason is that I'm being reminded to trust my reasoning, and not place blind faith in this  energetic trick.

There are times when I feel like my life is just going with the flow of the world. The things I desire for myself seem to be in concert with my place in the world. And there are times when I'm far from the flow, nothing seems to be going smoothly or well, and I need to do something to get back with God. I know that there are certain activities the usually get me back into alignment, though I sometimes have to go through several different ones before I feel fully aligned. Everyone is different, so it's important to know for yourself what brings you back in alignment.

Being close to God involves a great deal of surrender without collapse. When one is aligned, one's desires match those of Gods, and the movement is akin to swimming with the current. But there are occasions when the messages we receive do not match up with our own conclusions, and these often make me hesitate. If I know that my energy is aligned with the world's, then I trust that the message is correct. But if my energy has been "off" then it's hard to know what to do.

This is especially true when receiving messages through others. I know people who see into the spiritual world very clearly. I always an tempted to just call them for the answer rather than trying to work it out for myself. The danger is that I am receiving a message through someone else's eyes. I don't know if they are aligned with the world when they are giving me the message, and depending on my own alignment, I can wildly misinterpret the message even if it is correct.

This is why it's important to know for yourself how you connect to God and what makes the connection more powerful. When you are connected, your impulses and the flow of the world will be the same.

One of my favorite biblical passages can be found in Ecclesiastes 7:14: When times are good be happy, but when times are bad, reflect. In this instance, one can read that as when one is connected, be happy, but when one is not, reflect and reconnect.

Removing the Evil from the decree

Again something I wrote a few months ago:

During Yom kippur services, I was struck by Unatana Tokef. The power and the words of the prayer spoke deeply to me.

The second paragraph, which begins "On Rosh Hashanna it is written..", is a fairly standard shamanic incantation. Calling on the ancestors who have died in various ways: "who will live and who will die... who by water, who by fire, who by the sword, who by a wild animal..." When I recite the prayer, I feel the souls of Jewish ancestors fill the room. It is a very powerful prayer and can be used as a calling the souls meditation.

It then outlines the goals of Jewish Shamanic Healing:

ותשובה ותפלה וצדקה מעבירין את רוע הגזרה
And repentance, prayer, and charity removes the evil of the decree

The word "decree" is generally used in kabbalistic texts to refer to judgments of heaven that effect our lives. In the context of this blog, it refers to illness. Repentance, prayer, and charity do not remove the heavenly decree, but remove the evil from it. This manifests in three ways: they heal, they change their attitude to the illness, or the change happens without illness. For some people, the person gets sick, but heals completely. For others, their attitude towards the illness changes and they no longer view it as so damaging to their lives. For others, the change or energy that causes the illness manifests in another way which is not destructive to the person. This allows them to manifest the decree without damage or illness.

People often ask me if they will heal completely from whatever is ailing them. My answer is that they need to change with the illness, and they will feel better, even if their symptoms persist. But, more often than not, their symptoms disappear as well.

Noah's Ascension

  בראשית כ וייבן נוח מזבח ליהוה וייקח מכול הבהמה הטהורה ומכול העוף הטהור ויעל עולות במזבח  כא וירח יהוה את ריח הניחוח ויאמר יהוה אל ליבו לא אוסיף לקלל עוד את האדמה בעבור האדם כי יצר לב האדם רע מנעוריו ולא-אוסיף עוד להכות את-כל-חי כאשר עשיתי  כב עוד כל-ימי הארץ זרע וקציר וקור וחום וקיץ וחורף ויום ולילה לא ישבותו.

Genesis 8:20 And Noah built an alter to God. He took from all of the pure animals and from all the pure birds and raised them as an ascension offering at the alter. (21) God smelled the pleasant fragrance and God said to his heart, I will not continue to destroy the earth because of man for his heart's inclination is bad from his youth. And I will not again destroy all life as I have done. (22)To the end of the days of the land, during seed-time and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, will not cease.

The next time sacrifices are mentioned in the Tanach is during the story of Noah (Genesis 8:20-22). After the flood is over, Noah comes out of the ark and builds an alter (מזבח). He takes one of each of the pure animals and sacrifices them in/at the alter. The word for Sacrifice is olah עולה, to go up. The scent of the sacrifice (and possible Noah) go up to God, and in response God says to his heart that he will not destroy the world again in response to man's evil inclination.

This is a very different type of sacrifice then Cain and Hevel. Their sacrifice was a mincha (rest), and the result of the sacrifice was that God gazed upon Hevel. In this sacrifice, the goal of the offering was to ascend, and the result was that God made a change. One question I had was what exactly ascended? In the text, God smelled the "pleasant fragrance". My general assumption is that God is so far beyond us that we can't even begin to understand or explain God, but how does one make sense of God "smelling"?

I think the answer lies in a closer reading of the text. The word for pleasant odor is ריח הניחוח reach hanichoah. The first word can be read as רוח or spirit/wind, and the second is a variation on his name: נח Noah. When God smells (וירח), his spirit (רוח) meets with Noah's. This reading is that the spirit of Noah ascended up to God, God "spirited" Noah's "spirit", and it effected God's heart.

The Mincha sacrafice is a type of offering that results in a connection with God. It seems that the person offering the sacrifice brings God into the world. An ascension offering is more active and one that makes a change in the world. Here, the person goes into the spiritual world to make a change.

I'm excited to see how these types play out as we go further into our study, and what we can learn from how sacrifices were used biblically.

Praying to move things

Image courtesy of SoulHolder

One of the major aspects of Jewish spiritual growth is prayer. Our tradition is to pray three times a day. This builds discipline and focus. One way to spiritually make things move is based on strong focus. Concentrate on the object you want to move, send it love, and it will go in the direction it is supposed to go.

There is danger here in that one is often tempted to move it in the direction that one wants it to go, which may or may not be the direction it's supposed to go. Depending on your spiritual power, you may be able to move it towards your desire, but as any mechanic can tell you, if you push it in the wrong direction it will break and all your good intentions will take you or your patient to a worse place.

I think it's always best to connect oneself to God before trying to move anything, then reflect on your own motives for trying to move it, and only then send it love and power if your motives are for healing. I often find that once I've connected to God, I find I no longer have any desire to move the thing. I find that it is exactly as it should be even if I am not really happy with it. It's difficult to tell a patient that their illness or pain is where they need to be at the moment, but if it's true, all efforts to move it will backfire.

The waiting room of prayer

 Photo courtesy of Paul Denton Crocker

Gikatilla brings up a very interesting idea. Malchut is the gateway to the spherot. It's intimately connected with yesod. All of the higher spherot feed down into yesod which joins with malchut. Malchut, though it it thought of us as empty on it's own, distributes the shefa to the world that it received from Yesod.

The process also works in reverse. When a person prays by themselves, the prayers go up through malchut into Yesod. Yesod has gatekeepers who evaluate the prayers to see if they are worthy of going up to God. How are they evaluated? If the prayers are done with the proper intention and feeling. And if they are not deemed worthy? Then they go to the waiting room. The prayers are not thrown out or discarded, but placed in a special place, a Geniza,  a waiting room. When the person prays with proper intention the gates of prayer open and all of the prayers that have been in the waiting room get brought before God.

He also writes that the gates of heaven are always open to tears. When a person cries while praying, or prays while crying, the prayers go straight up to Heaven and are not held up by the gatekeeper in Yesod. Likewise, when we pray in a minyan, then the prayers go upwards. The gathering calls the shechina so the prayers are automatically thought to be accepted.

This is a fascinating idea.

Repairing the Intentionally Broken world

 R' Chayim Moshe Luzzato writes:

כלל ראשון: כוונת הבריאת

מה שנודע לנו מכוונת המאציל ב"ה בזה, הוא, כי ברצותו להטיב רצה להמציא נמצאים שיקבלו טובו. וכדי שיהיה הטוב שלם, צריך שיקבלוהו בזכות ולא בצדקה, שלא יהא הבושת פוגמו, כאוכל את שאינו שלו. וכדי שיוכלו לזכות, המציא מציאות אחד שיהיה צריך אליהם להתקן, מה שאינו צריך הוא, ובתקנם אותו – יזכו. והוא מציאות הספירות, כי הם מציאות אחד כמו מחברת צינורות, שבעמדה על תיקונה כראוי, ממשיכים השפע מן המאציל אל המתקנה. וזהו זכותו – שהקים חפץ המאציל ב"ה, שחפץ שיקבלו נמצאיו את טובו.

כללי פתחי חכמה ודעה
רמח"ל – חיים לוזאטו

What we know of the intention of the creator, blessed be he, is this: in his will to give goodness, he created the world in order for it to receive his goodness. In order for the created to receive the full measure of his goodness, they had to receive it on their own merits and not by means of charity, so shame will not blemish the receiving, like eating food that belongs to someone else. In order to be worthy, the creator created a world that needs repair, but it is not for God that we do the repair. In doing the repair, the created become worthy. The world that needs repair is the world of the sephirot. They are one system like the joints of a pipe, which, when repaired, draw down the shefa from the creator to the repaired (person). And this is what is meant by merit, that he fulfils the will of the creator, blessed be he, that desires that his creations receive his goodness.

- RaMCHaL - Moshe Chayim Luzzato - Principle Elements.

The simple interpretation of this text is that God wants to give us his goodness, but he requires our personal effort to make ourselves worthy. He created the world "broken" in order to give us the necessary challenges for us to earn the merit of his goodness. Essentially life is one big test, and if we pass, we enjoy God's goodness. If we don't do the repair, we presumably are cut off from God's bounty.

I really like that he frames the issue in terms of personal effort. It's not a gift from above or an innate talent, but our personal actions that determine our connection to God. God is always waiting there for us, but it's up to us to make ourselves worthy of the connection. In my mind, this is what Tikkunei Avon (repair of sins) are all about. When we first start to do spiritual work, the first step is to begin working on our own blockages between us and God. It's a continual process, something that we are never done with, and requires constant care and attention. This process is both internal and on our relationships in the world.

This worldview also gives us limitless possibilities. Every difficulty is an opportunity for a repair, and there certainly is no shortage of difficulties in this world. It also shows us how to have mercy on ourselves. If we come up short or miss the mark on today's repair, there will be another chance tomorrow. When the yetzer harah asks us to beat ourselves up for our failures, we just have to wait until the next test when we can try again.

One note on the translation: the word for goodness is הטיב or טוב which is accurately translated as good, but in this context, it could also mean Love. When I first read this passage, I thought that his worldview required an enormous amount of faith to believe that the world was intentionally broken just to give us an opportunity to be fix it. It means that the problems of the world are inherent in it's basic structure and can never be truly solved.

But it also means that God wants us to succeed because someone who loves us doesn't give us a challenge which is beyond our capabilities. I think my first impression was completely backwards: this worldview shows how much faith God has in us. He wants us to do the work on ourselves so that we can bring God's love into the world, which, as far as I'm concerned is the point of it all.

Cain wasn't Abel

Photo from Okinawa Soba

I've recently started studying with a new Hevruta who also has a shamanic background and is a cohen. We've decided to try to explore the practice of sacrifice in Judaism and to see if we can apply what we learn to our practices. We're beginning with the story of Cain and Hevel (Abel), who gave the first offerings to God. The story can be found in Genesis 4:1-16.

The names are very significant: Cain, קין, means acquired, and Hevel, הבל, means vapor or breath. Cain is the farmer, the worker of the land, which is cursed at this point, and Hevel is a shepherd. These facts set up the dichotomy between the two: Cain is a person who must always be busy tending to his fields and to his crops. The life of the shepherd is very different. It's mostly a quiet, meditative life. Cain is very tied to the physicality of the land, while Hevel is able to concentrate on more spiritual pursuits.

In my paradigm, Cain's gift is doing: working and producing. He is most connected to God when he is farming. Hevel's gift is being: meditation and quiet observation of the world. He is most connected to God during "spiritual" times and rituals.

Interestingly, it is Cain who first makes the offering of first fruits to God, and only then does Hevel follow. The word for offering is מנחה (minchah) which derives from לנוח (to rest), and in this form, can mean "to cause to rest".  The purpose of the sacrifice was to cause Cain to be able to rest from his work. My understanding of this is based on my experience when I connect to the souls. I feel very peaceful and relaxed, even to the point where I forget my words or my questions (if I had any). Perhaps Cain was seeking a similar experience.

But God accepts Hevel's sacrifice and Hevel himself, but not to Cain or his sacrifice. The word for accept is וישא, which means to Gaze (steadily with interest) or to turn towards and pay heed. Hevel sacrifices and connects to God. Cain sacrifices and neither he nor his sacrifice connect to God.

In our reading, this makes perfect sense. Hevel connects to God through ritual and through spiritual means. Cain connects through working and producing. When Cain sacrifices, he is trying to connect to God through Hevel's gift, which, of course, doesn't work for him.

It's noteworthy that Cain figured out a good way for Hevel to connect. It's a reminder not to spend all our time with people who have similar gifts to ourselves. Often, the outside perspective enables another to see how we can use our gifts more effectively. It's also important to live in community so that when we are faced with a task that is outside of our power, we have others who can do it for us. Cain's response might have been to ask Hevel to do the sacrifices for him. In turn, Hevel would be probably be unable to do tasks that would require him to be fully in the physical world and would need Cain to do them for him.

And here is where Cain goes astray. He gets angry and disappointed that God wouldn't gaze upon him when he sacrificed, and God chastises him for it. God tells him that "if he does right, there is uplift" (literally exalted and majesty). Doing right, in my reading, is doing and living according to his gift. But God continues, "if you do not do right, Sin crouches at the door". Any time that we try to live according to someone else's gift, we run into trouble.

Cain then kills Hevel. God asks Cain "where is your brother Hevel?", and we get the famous reply "Am I my brother's keeper?" God replies that "Your brother's blood cries out to my from the ground (אדמה)." The ground was Cain's source of power. He was a farmer who derived his power, and connected to God, through working the land. But the murder of his brother poisoned Cain's power so that he would never be able to access it again.

God's punishment to Cain was twofold: destroying Cain's connection with his power and cursing him to Hevel's power which would never really work for him. God tells Cain directly that if "you till the soil, it shall no longer yield it's strength to you." He then curses Cain has to wander the land, which is what a shepherd does, not what a farmer does.

Cain replies "My punishment is to great to bear. Since you have banished me this day from the soil and your presence will be hidden from me..." Cain is aware that he can no longer connect to God as he has been separated from his gift. Cain continues "...anyone who meets me may kill me." God then puts a mark on Cain's forehead as protection.

Why does Cain need protection only at this point? My approach to spiritual protection has always been awareness, love, dealing with fear, and staying within your power. It's a much longer discussion, but my view is that when Cain was no longer in his power, he was vulnerable. Hevel had no trouble wandering the land and living. Cain is unable to do that.

There are some people who naturally avoid fights, and some people who can't seem to go anywhere without having someone start a fight with them. Hevel might have been a person who did not naturally get into fights or quarrels, but Cain, being more in the world, might have. Now Cain is wandering the world with Hevel's power but people are still fighting with him, and he now has no defenses so he needs God's protection.

This story sets up one of the basic polarities in Human existence: those who are more in the physical world and those who are more in the spiritual world. Each has a unique gift that enables them to connect to God and only run into trouble when they try to be someone who they are not.

The soul's balloon

Occasionally when I treat people, it feels as if their soul is empty. When I reach out to connect to them spiritually, I can't feel anything. It almost feels like I'm seeing a shadow of the person: they are physically there, but spiritually it feels like there's nothing there.

I used to think that their soul had left their body for some reason. but it was rightly pointed out to me recently that if their soul wasn't present in their body, they'd be dead.

One possible explanation could be based on the Jewish idea of their being five levels to the soul. The lower soul could be present, but the upper could be missing. But my perception is not of a cup half full, but of the cup being completely empty.

In Hevruta today I came to an explanation that feels more accurate. The soul is like a balloon. There are times when it is empty and times when it is full. When it's empty, it may be barely visible and offers no resistance to our touch, but when it's full, it's clearly visible and touchable. So what fills it? The breath of God. When God created Adam, he animated him by breathing life into him.

So my experience is that the client's soul is empty, and after the treatment, if it's been a good treatment, then their soul is full of God's breath (רוח הקודש). Illness in this way of thinking is caused by an empty soul, and health by a full one.

I'm curious to hear from my readers: Does this match your experience? Does this explanation help you to heal better?

Standing in Fear

Photo courtesy of Krembo1

The Amidah is a very powerful prayer. As I've written about before, it has become a way for me to check in with my fear every day.

The Amidah begins with three prayers of invocation or supplication where we call the souls of our ancestors. The first is a direct calling of our fore-fathers and fore-mothers (if you choose to do it that way, which I recommend). The next is the prayer for the reviving the dead, which calls in all of our ancestral souls, and the last is a the prayer of holiness to proclaim that we are now in a holy space.

The Amidah continues with what is traditionally called the Bakashot, or requests. I slightly alter my perspective on this section my fears. Each of these requests represents or stems from a fear within each Jew that we wish assuaged. For me, these become reminders of the fears within me that I need to visit everyday. As I read through the Amidah, I pause after each blessing and touch the fear before continuing on to the next.

Some days, certain fears will hold a lot of power and certain fears will feel neutral. I especially look for fears which feel numb to me - these are the ones I need to spend the most time with until I can feel what's going on underneath.

The last section of the Amidah is for thanking God. In this section, I surround myself with love and send it to any lingering fears. This section begins with the avodah, or service, which implores God to accept our prayers instead of a sacrifice. I suspect that this allows us to call some of the spiritual power of a the sacrifices into the power of our prayers, but this will require further meditation.

I suggest the everyone study the prayers themselves and come up with their own understanding of the fear reminders. Each of the prayers speak to every one of us in a different way, so it's important to find yours. What follows is my understanding of them at this point in time

• Binah - Fear of not being smart or clever enough.
• Tsuvah -Fear that I've succomb to my yetzer haRah, my urge to self-destruction.
  
• Slicha - Fear of having done something unforgivable
• Geulah - Fear that things will never get better both personally, nationally, and environmentally
• Refuah - Fear that I'll be sick
• Birkat Hashanim - Fear that I'll be poor and unable to pay the bills or buy food.
• Kibbutz Galuyot - Fear that I won't have a home and I will wander and never feel at home.
• Din - Fear that there will be no justice in the world or in my life
• Birkat Haminim - Fear of betrayal
• Tzaddikim - Fear that the wise in my life will be removed. And that the wise among our nation will be taken from us.
• Binyan Jerusalem - The cossack fear that Jerusalem will again be taken from us as a result of our own actions.
• Malcut Beit David - This is unclear to me. Probably a fear that we will never be worthy of bringing the messiah.
  
• Kabbalat Tefillah -Fear that we can't connect to God. Fear is one of the main blocks that prevents a person from connecting to God, so this sums up the others fears.
  

Amidah - Blessing for the year

Following up to my thoughts on using the Amidah as a tool to feel fear. Tonight, the fear came up during the prayer for a good year. The fear I had was one of poverty. It gave me an opportunity to focus on the fears I have for my business and if I was going to earn enough to support my family. My fear during this prayer was all about livelihood. I'd be interested what other people feel during this part of the Amidah. Let me know.

Hands are more important than heads

I recently learned a teaching from the Beit Yaakov:

Why do our arms reach higher than our heads?

Because the effects of our actions have far more ramifications than our thoughts. What we do in the world is much more important than what we think. When we work on personal growth or shamanic development, we have to pay the most attention to what we are actually doing. What we do with our hands matters more than what we do with our head.

Shaking in the shefa

This is the Lurianic technique I learned for shaking the four species:

A quick note: the four species represent the name of God. The הדסה (myrtle) is the yod, The ארבות (willow) is the first hay, The לולב (palm) is the vav, and the אתרוג (Etrog) is the second hay.

Recite the blessing for shaking the four species with the lulav in the right hand and the etrog (held upside down with the stem facing downward) in the left. The two should not be touching. The blessing is Baruch Ata Hashem Elokeinu Melech Haolam asher kidshanu b'mitvotav vetzivanu al nitilat lulav.

Turn the etrog over and then hold them together.

Do each movement three times:

Hold the four species out to your right and shake three times drawing the shefa of Hesed חסד. Pull the hesed into yourself and shake three times near your heart.

Hold the four species to your left and shake three times drawing the shefa of Gevurah גבורה. Pull it into your heart and shake three times near your heart.

Hold the four species in front of you and shake three times drawing the shefa of Tiferet תפארת. Pull it into your heart and shake three times near your heart.

Hold the four species upwards and shake three times drawing the shefa of Nesach נצח. Pull it into your heart and shake three times near your heart.

Hold the four species downwards and shake three times drawing the shefa of Hod הוד. Pull it into your heart and shake three times near your heart.

Hold the four species behind you (either over your shoulder or turn around) and shake three times drawing the shefa of yesod יסוד. Pull it into your heart and shake three times near your heart.

The Principle of the 1000th.

Photo courtesy of Rahel Sharon

My friend Mike Short, who is an excellent acupuncturist and herbalist, is also a serious martial artist. I asked him once how he got so good at herbs and his response was that he treated it like martial arts: you learn a technique and then practice it a 1000 times. After the 1000th time, you realize how it works and what you've been doing wrong so far. So you do it another 1000 times. At this point, you see how you can begin to make it your own and begin to notice the subtleties of the technique. So you do it another 1000 times and you actually understand it. And then you can learn another technique. He approached herbs in the same way and it made him an amazing herbalist.

When I mentioned this story to my mentor John, his reaction was that in Shamanic work, after the 1000th time, you really don't need another technique. If you pick one technique that is meaningful to you and do it for years, then you won't need another. It will take you where ever you need to go.

I was reminded of this rule this morning while studying in a friend's sukkah. He asked me if had done the four species. I replied that I hadn't.

There are certain things that make sense to us in the abstract, but because we didn't grow up with them, they seem weird. I didn't grow up shaking a Lulav and Etrog, so it's always felt weird to me and I don't do it.

He reminisced that the first time he had worn his kippah outside of yeshiva, he felt very strange: as if everyone was going to stare at him all the time. He quickly realized that here in Jerusalem, no one really noticed. And shortly after, it felt more natural to wear a kippah than to not. He had his own weird factor to get over.

He then pulled out his lulav and etrog and taught me a very powerful Lurianic kavannah (intention) to do while shaking them. For the first time in my life, I felt power in the ritual. The Holiday is over tomorrow, so I don't think I'll have much time to do more shaking, but next year I'll buy the four species and do some shaking. Maybe after the 1000 time, I'll begin to understand the ritual.

Amidah as reminders

It always surprises me that there is no mention of fear in the Amidah. From a shamanic point of view, it's essential to check in with your fear everyday and be aware of it at all times. In Judaism, fear of God is the first step towards wisdom and is important for a number of reasons. I discussed one aspect of it in a prior post.

Tonight, while I was davening, I got to the prayer for healing and the fear overwhelmed me. I paused, felt it thoroughly, and then sent it love. Then I continued onward with the prayer. I am a healer, and I periodically go through fears related to healing (which is happening now), so it made perfect sense to feel the fear at the point.

Each of the 18 blessings links to a different things. The first three are praise, the next 12 are requests, and the last three are thanks. Perhaps we can use the middle blessings as reminders of where to check for our fear. Or to use them as reminders to check for how we are feeling on the different aspects of ourselves. It's worth studying in more depth.

Energy centers

Over the past few years, I've gradually become aware of three major energy centers in the body: my forehead, my heart, and my lower abdomen (hara). Interestingly, each of these is considered the center in different traditions. In Jewish mysticism, the forehead is very important as one's inner light shines from there. There is a long tradition of reading letters and words on a person's forehead. As a persons spirit becomes stronger and more pure, the letters become clearer. The heart is a center of power for the shamanic tradition I've studied, and is the source for bringing love and healing into the world. The lower abdomen is called the Hara is Chinese medicine and is the center of power in the martial arts world.

Each is a different way of connected to my patients. When a patient first comes in and I begin to connect with them, I try to be aware of how I'm connecting to them. I'm always surprised that how I'm connecting is not what I expect. I expect an intellectual person will connect through the forehead, but then I find a heart connection with them. Even now, I feel the urge to define each connection and what it is used for, but the truth is that they are just three ways of doing the same things.

I see the primary roles of the shaman as threefold: gaining sight or knowledge, creating the space for healing, and action. All of these are directed towards healing and unifying with God. And all three energy centers can do all three tasks. Sometimes the heart connection is what's needed to move through a blockage, sometimes the forehead.

Jewish study and prayer often concentrate energy in my forehead, which makes me think too much. It takes an act of will while praying to bring the energy down. I often wonder if Jewish spiritual techniques make us tend towards overthinking, or if our value on education led to the most intellectual people developing the spiritual techniques, but either way, we are definitely encouraged and trained to think.

My general tendency, by nature or by being raised in an academic intellectual household, is to overthink. I've found that I often need to draw in the energy at my forehead. It feels like putting a metal plate over my forehead to keep the energy in. At that point, my heart radiates and gets stronger. I think much of my power lies in my heart, but the overthinking saps it and drains the power off. When I close my forehead, the energy can accumulate in my heart.

All shaman are different and it's important to know where your power lies. I'm curious what other people perceive as their energy centers and how they use that in healing. Let me know what you think.

Why we're not angels

In Sanhedrin 42:1, it states:

אשר במאמרו ברא שחקים וברוח פיו כל צבאם חוק וזמן נתן להם שלא ישנו את תפקידם

In your speech, you created the heavens, and with the breath of your mouth, all the [heavenly] hosts. Rule and time you gave them so they will not change their role.

In Jewish thought, Angels have no free will. They are created with a certain role and are unable to change it, always fulfilling their assigned task. Humans, on the other hand, have free will, so we are able to change our roles and actions to, hopefully, improve ourselves. It's an important distinction. The goal of many shamanic traditions is to align oneself with the will of God so that one surrenders and one's actions become in perfect harmony with the universe. The difference is that we choose to do it, and Angels have no ability to do otherwise. It also gives us an adaptability to the ever changing world.

A central Kabbalistic tenet is that the world is in a state of continual creation. Our words and actions continually create and change the world, which makes our adaptability a much needed skill. As Heraclitus wrote in the fifth century BCE: No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he is not the same man. Even the things that we've done time and again are different each time we do them because we are different, and each interaction we have with another person is different, no matter how close we are or how frequently we see them, because we and they are different.

Studying last night, I applied these ideas to the concept of choseness. Jews consider themselves to be the chosen people, but in light of continual creation and constant change, that means that Jews are constantly being chosen. And as such, we are constantly being examined by God to see if we are worthy of the choice. It's not enough to rely on received wisdom and traditional practices (though we can learn a tremendous amount from them), but each Jew must strive to make the right choices to live a Just life so that we are worthy of being chosen. The world is constantly changing and we need to react to it with wisdom so that we can remain chosen.

Traditional wisdom teaches that we are stuck with the designation and will always remain the chosen people, but I can't imagine that is true. When someone gives you an honor and holds you up as an example of righteousness, it's not a license to do immoral things or to be discriminatory or to try to kill someone over a parking lot. Instead, it's a motivation to be more righteous and more just, to show that we are worthy of the designation. We're not angels, we are not created in only one way. We are continually creating the world, and so we must strive to make it the best world we can.

Mishnah Pe'ah 1:1 - Kindness is without measure

מסכת פיאה פרק א

א,א אלו דברים שאין להם שיעור--הפיאה, והביכורים, והריאיון, וגמילות חסדים, ותלמוד תורה. ואלו דברים שאדם אוכל מפירותיהן בעולם הזה, והקרן קיימת לו לעולם הבא--כיבוד אב ואם, וגמילות חסדים, והבאת שלום בין אדם לחברו; ותלמוד תורה כנגד כולם.

Mishnah Pe'ah 1:1

These are the things that are without measure: charity, first fruits, pilgrimage to the temple, righteous deeds, and studying Torah. These are things that a man can eat of their fruits in this world, but their true fulfillment is in the world to come: honoring one's parents, righteous deeds, bringing peace between a man and his friend. Studying Torah is equal to them all.

This mishnah strikes me as a study guide: these are the things you should get out of studying Torah. If you study Torah and it doesn't make you into the kind of person who gives charity, does righteous deeds, and makes peace between a man and his friend, you're doing it wrong.

There are actually measures for many of these things in the Torah, but what the Mishnah is telling us is that you can do them as much as you would like and they are always a good thing. Interestingly, all of these things are done in relationship with others except studying Torah (which is usually done in hevruta, but not always). It shows how concerned Jews should be with their community and those around them who are in need.

Unfortunately, it's a lesson that many in this country, religious and secular, need to learn: that there is no limit to being kind to people.

Words create

In class today, we talked about how ineffectual words can be to actually communicate. What I mean when I say something may or may not be what you think I mean. Even when we both think the communication was clear, there may be a complete lack of understanding.

In our tradition, words were used to create the world. We are in the image of God, so every time we speak, we create. Tradition teaches that the world is in a continual state of creation.

Words create worlds. When someone speaks, what do their words create in you? Isn't that how communication works: we create in someone else. It makes all of our words so much more powerful, and should make us so much more careful about what we say.

Tugging on your shirt

Working with a client this past week, I found myself repeatedly using the analogy of a small child tugging on her shirt. There was a thought that kept going through her head repeatedly during the day and she wasn't sure how to make sense of it. The energetic was exactly like a small child: when they want your attention, they pull on the edge of your shirt. If you turn and acknowledge them, they usually are satisfied and go back to playing. But if you ignore them or don't actually listen to what they say, they continue to pull on your shirt more aggressively.

Such it was with this thought of hers. It was asking for her attention. She knew about it, but she hadn't really fully acknowledged it. As we continued to talk, She asked how one can more effectively acknowledge the thought? It's the difference between yes-ing the child and lowering yourself to the child's level to look her in the eyes and really listen to what she has to say. With this thought, my client needed to take some time during the day and dedicate it, without distraction, to dealing with the thought and the emotions associated with it.

For the emotions, more effectively acknowledging them means to feel them more intensely. If the emotion is tugging on your shirt, then the more intensely you can feel the emotion is the way to listen to it more effectively.

The souls are similar. There are times when they demand our attention and we'd best pay attention, but if we can give them a time during the day that we do nothing but interact with them, then they are less likely to need to demand our attention while we are doing other things.

So if you find a small thought or emotion tugging on your shirt, bend down, look it in the eyes, and listen.

Yibani ha mikdash

יבנה המקדש!

There are many times during the prayers when we pray for the rebuilding of the holy temple. It's my very humble opinion that it might already have happened.

The temple was the home of the Shechina, the aspect of God that is most present in the world. When the temple was destroyed, the Shechina went into exile with us. And, presumably, when we came back to Israel, she came back with us.

As I've written in an earlier post, I experience the Shechina as the energy created between two people. When I came to Jerusalem, I felt the power of this city. So many Jews here, so much energy created when they study, pray, and live together.

Maybe the Shechina has already made her home here and we didn't notice? We have built Jerusalem for a third time as a Jewish city. We live in a world where Judaism is decentralized and can never be recentralized again without destroying what was created over the past 2000 years.

So maybe we have already built the third temple, though not as it once was in all it's splendor and glory. We have built it through so many small synagogues and minyanim. Together, they shelter the Shechina.

So maybe we should not be reciting "may we be blessed to merit the re-building of the temple". but instead we should be saying: "we give thanks that we have merited to live during the time of the third Jerusalem." בנינו בית המקדש Amen.

The balance of Rain

In class today, we discussed a section of the Zohar where the sephirah of חסד-Hesed (loving kindness and compassion) is referred to as water. Hesed, in Kabbalah, is in tension with גבורה-Gevurah (strength and boundaries), which balances in תפארת-Tiferet (splendor). In the daily prayers, the prayer for rain is called גבורת גשמים (gevurat Geshamim), or the power of the rains. In this context we pray for the balance between gevruah and hesed.

One of my classmates pointed out that if there was just hesed and the water came all at once, it would be like a tsunami - incredibly destructive. If there was just gevurah, we would have a storm with no rain, which would also be destructive. So we require the balance between the two to enable the rain to come down in little drops (hesed held within gevurah) that are nourishing to us and the earth. We always need a balance between strength and compassion because too much of either doesn't heal anyone.

Piazetzner meditation

I had referenced a meditation by the Piazetzner rebbe in another post and wanted to just spell out the meditation as I learned it.

This is a quieting meditation. The goal is to quiet the chatter of the mind and let the stillness fill the space.

Sit quietly and pay attention to your thoughts. Every time you think of something, say to yourself: I'm thinking of [Whatever it is you are thinking]. Try to be specific. An example would be: I'm thinking of doing the dishes, I'm thinking of cracks on the dishes, I'm thinking about cooking food for dinner tomorrow, etc... Every time you name what you are thinking about, you are decreasing it's power over you and your thoughts and drawing the power back to yourself.

The analogy that always comes to mind is of my children who are always coming up to show me things. If I try to push them away, they get annoyed and talk louder, but if I acknowledge what they are saying and pay a moments attention to them, they go back to playing and don't bother me anymore. In this meditation, we are doing the same thing to our thoughts.

Once your mind is clear. Recite the Shema silently. As you say each word, visualize it and allow it to drop into the still water of your mind. I always visualized this as watching the words slowly fall into a still pool of water.

As the last word drops into the water, ask for a gift or ask a question. Then wait and see what comes.

It's quite a wonderful meditation and especially good for finding insight in stressful times.

Love or Fear - It's your choice

I talked to John the other night and he gave me some simple wisdom in response to my questions about how to choose the good inclination (יצר הטוב) over the bad one (יצר הרע).

He said it's really making a choice between fear and love. If you choose to live with love, then it will be easy to make the choices that nourish and support. If you choose to live with fear, then the choices will be ones of self-destruction.

So how, I asked, does one move from fear to love?

He answered that it's about learning to send love to your fears. Simple to say, hard to do. The example we talked about was dealing with old memories of times that were dominated by fear. We can't change who we were, but we can change our attachment to the memory.

In this particular memory, I had not realized how scared I was at the time it happened, but in retrospect, it was very clear to me that I was being controlled by my fear. I concentrated on the memory and then threw my arms around my young self to send love. As I did, the feeling of the memory changed. I think this is one I'm going to have to go back to a few times, but the fear was starting to change. And in doing so, I'm changing who I am now by changing my attachment to who I was.

I'm learning to send love to my fear, and in that way, give power to my self-nourishing inclination and remove it from my self-destructive one.

The warp and the Woof

warp and woof

The essential foundation or base of any structure or organization; from weaving, in which the warp — the threads that run lengthwise — and the woof — the threads that run across — make up the fabric: “The Constitution and the Declaration of Independence are the warp and woof of the American nation.”

warp and woof. Dictionary.com. The American Heritage® New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, Third Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2005. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/warp and woof (accessed: April 01, 2009).

I had an interesting conversation with my friend Yael today and it got me thinking about the warp and the woof of Judaism. The background is that I have been thinking (again) about going to rabbinical school and coming to the conclusion (again) that it's probably not the best place for me. As a friend said a long time ago: "I think you wouldn't learn what you are looking for in Rabbinical school, and the teachers wouldn't know how to teach you." I guess there are not many places to go to school to learn to be a Rabbi-healer, so I've decided I need to figure out what I think a rabbi should know and then put together a plan for learning it.

There are two aspects of my Judaism that make it difficult for me to fit into a standard program. The first is the shamanic way I experience Judaism and texts, as I've written about on this blog. The second is that I tend to approach things from the heart. Jews, especially the Yeshivot here in Jerusalem, tend to hyperfocus on the Talmud. I tend to think of the Talmud as Jewish Koan study and the result is critical thinkers who excel at dissecting texts and arguments in a relatively cold way.

I tend to approach things from my heart which means that I'm more interested in how to connect with the text, if it has power, and how it interacts with my life and thoughts. Talmud study, as I've experienced it so far, is very intellectual by it's nature, so the difficulty is learning to understand the complexity of it without getting lost in the abstract nature of the arguments.

In thinking of what to study, I came up with a list of the major texts: Tanach, Mishnah, Talmud, Shulchan Aruch, Zohar, and Hassidut. I thought to pick a starting point then just start going through the texts. The warp.

Yael looked at it and remarked, well that about covers Judaism. She was right, I had a simple list in which each could be a lifetime's study. She suggested that I pick topics and then follow them across the texts, learning each text as it arose in the context of the issue. The woof.

They are basically two different approaches to the texts. One focuses on how to understand and learn the texts, the other focuses on how to explore issues through the texts. I think they are both valuable, and the question is how to balance them to maximize learning.

I think there are certain texts, like the Mishnah and the Tanach, that are foundational to the whole tradition and need to be read from start to finish. But the Talmud is probably best done by topic.

I need a method for learning texts that results in a compassionate, heart-centered person, rather than a hyper-focusing one. If people have thoughts on how to do that, please let me know.

Hungry rats 1, Overthinking Students 0

I found the following quote in Learning How to Think by Nocholas D. Kristof. The editorial is about how predictions by expert pundits were often wrong. It seems that the more famous you are, then the more likely you are to be wrong, and that expertise is not a good indicator for making accurate predictions. He wrote:

In another, a white rat in a maze repeatedly beat groups of Yale undergraduates in understanding the optimal way to get food dropped in the maze. The students overanalyzed and saw patterns that didn’t exist, so they were beaten by the rodent.

I think this is a vote for viewing the world as it is, not as we want it to be. As I wrote in an earlier post, it's important to accurately describe what's going on while limiting, as much as possible, any diagnosis. If one can use neutral words to describe the sensations or experiences then one will be led to a more accurate account of the experience, which will then help one to be more in touch with one's soul.

Of course, my overly analytical mind wants to know if it's important that it's a white rat in the study? Why not a gray rat? Or a brown one?

How you describe yourself determines who you are

I used to be an auto mechanic and every once and a while a friend had a car question for me. This morning, I helped acquaint a friend with her new car. She had never owned a car before and was interested in what was under the hood.

We popped the hood and as I pointed out each of the mechanical systems. She asked questions and wanted to know what kind of maintenance each needed. Mostly she was worried about how often she will need to check her oil and top off her fluids.

At one point, I think it was when I was describing the cooling system, she said something to the effect of: "So if there's a problem there, I'll go in to my mechanic and tell him my radiator's broken and he needs to replace this part?" I stopped her right there. "Don't tell your mechanic what's wrong with the car," I said, "tell him what you are hearing or experiencing in the car, and let him determine what's wrong. You are not the expert, he is." It's something I've told patients before: don't arrive with a diagnosis, come in with a set of problems, tell your healer how you make sense of things and understand them, but always start with what you are feeling before you try to make sense of it.

What I realized today is that this is another way to get in touch with your soul. Who we think we are often prevents us from seeing who we really are, but if we get in the habit of accurately describing ourselves, we can avoid that pit-fall.

Tommy Thompson part II

A few months ago, I had the pleasure of attending two seminars taught by Tommy Thompson. He teaches Alexander Technique and is a true healer. The first seminar was just for Alexander teachers and I wrote about in an earlier post. The second was for the general public, and I was one of the few who took both. His approach is relatively unique (I’m told) in the Alexander world, and I found a lot of wisdom in his approach and his style. What follows in this post are some of his teachings which particularly impressed me.

He taught that our responses to the world are often shaped by who we think we are as opposed to who we actually are. When one responds to something, one reaches for who one thinks one is, which may not be who one actually is. We need to be open to what is really going on, not what we think or expect to be happening. His model is the physical body, but this is very true for all of our interactions in the world. It’s very true, I would add, in shamanic or spiritual experience. We have “peak” spiritual experiences and then seek to repeat those experiences, often expecting the next shamanic experience to be the same as the last. But it never seems to work that way. Sometimes there are similarities, but usually the expectations prevent us from perceiving what’s actually happening and make it harder to have shamanic experiences.

Tommy talked about this as “Faulty sensory appreciation”. He explained it to mean that where you are is not where you think you are. Alexander technique is about retraining and activating ones proprioceptors so that our perception of where we are and how our body is acting matches what our body really is actually doing. (A proprioceptor is defined as a sensory receptor that receives stimuli from within the body, esp. one that responds to position and movement.)

He continued that we need to have the experience, not react to the experience we’re having. We can change the quality of our experience by saying to ourselves “This is me having the experience of…”. And in this way, we focus our attention on what we are doing instead of reacting to it. My understanding of this was that by verbalizing what we are doing, we distract the conscious mind much in the same was as the Piazetzner meditation works (I'll write about this in another post). His description was to “become part of the experiences you are already having.”

In discussing his Alexander work, he gave a lesson in how to teach in general. If you try to get a person to conform to what you expect, the person will get an idea of what to do, but it won’t be the awareness that they need. It won’t be the internal awareness that generates the change. We need to meet the person where they are and offer alternatives, not try to force the person to change in the manner in which I think is best.

If one acts on an expectation, one’s own or another persons, or what experience has taught you from unreliable sensory perception and diminished kinesthetic cues, then one is not relating to reality, one is relating to one’s expectations. An example is when you reach down to pick up a suitcase, expecting it to be heavy, only to realize it is empty. You need to divest yourself from being who you think you need to be and you can be yourself.

I would add that it's important to always know that our perceptions of the world are always changing. If we react to things according to our experience, we may be reacting in a way appropriate for who we used to be but not who we are now. And if we continue to react in the same ways, then we actually prevent ourselves from growing and lock ourselves into one way of being. The experience of "dying" is very common in shamanic experience, and it can be understood here as reaching a point where we need to spiritually die and be reborn in order to let go of our old way of relating to the world in order to move forward.

A less dramatic way to approach this problem in to experience our emotions and not react to them in our usual way. In parenting, I find that often it’s best if I am non-reactive to my child and let them work through their emotions without influence from my emotional reactions. My sense from Tommy was that he felt that we should approach ourselves in this way so that we experience ourselves without judgment which allows us to experience ourselves without the weight of our own expectations.

I was very impressed with Tommy’s teachings and with his approach to healing. So much so that I had a very interesting response. I wondering what would have happened had I met Tommy earlier in life, before I went to acupuncture school. Would I have then studied Alexander technique first? Or is it the experiences I’ve had as a result of going through acupuncture school that allowed me to recognize what we was teaching? My own approach to these thoughts is usually to have faith that I am supposed to be an acupuncturist and if I was supposed to be an Alexander teacher, I would have met Tommy before I started studying Chinese Medicine.

I also wondered if I should start to study Alexander technique with Tommy (if that becomes geographically feasible at some point)? I realized that I don't need to study an entirely new system to be able to use his teachings to find wisdom in what I do already.

I left their wondering if there is a way to do Alexander technique on the soul? Is there a way to activate the proprioceptors of the soul, making us more in tune with our soul and inner being. To know when we are in touch with our soul and to know when we are basing our actions on experiences rooted in faulty spiritual sensory perception. I think Tommy’s answer would be that as there is no difference between the body, mind, and soul, that when we do that on the body, then we are becoming more in tune with our souls. Though I’ll have to ask him.

Energy mirrors

Something interesting happened today during a treatment. Often, I am able to feel, physically, what my patient is feeling. Today, as I felt it, I tried to work on it within myself. I could feel two things happening at once, my energy was shifting within myself and the energy was shifting within my client. There were times when I needed to nudge a little on one side or the other, but the two were changing together.

The sensation of feeling two things at the same time was also noteworthy. I’ve felt it before, though usually it’s when I’m trying to work on myself and using someone else as a mirror. I connect with the other person and then try to connect with myself through them. That allows me to see myself from another perspective and then work on myself. Today, I was using myself as a mirror for the other person to work on them through me.

Giving the Material Snake Power

In a teaching from the R. Moshe Cordovera (Ramak), I found the following passage from the Zohar (Part II, Shemot, 17b)

R. Yossi went out to the road, and R. Acha ben Ya'acov went with him. As they were walking, R. Yossi lapsed into silence and his thoughts turned to matters of the world, but R. Acha continued to think about matters regarding the Torah (as they walked). R. Yossi turned and saw a snake coming after him. R. Yossi said to R. Acha, Do you see the snake running after me? R. Acha said that he did not see the snake. R. Yossi started to run and the snake ran after him. R. Yossi fell down and blood flowed from his nose. He heard it being said "Only you I knew from all the families of the earth, thus I call you to account for all of your sins." (Amos 3:2) R. Yossi said, If this is how it is for a moment, then how much more so would you despair from one hour thus.

Cordovero uses these verses as a proof text for his argument. He states that when a person does a mitzvah, they draw down "shefa" into the world. So we learn from the above passage that it's important for all Jews to constantly do mitzvot so as to continue to draw down shefa from God. If we were to stop doing so, there would be problems in the world from the lack of shefa.

He also uses it for a later argument that tzaddikim draw down a greater share of shefa as they are at a higher level. If they stop doing their work, then there is a greater deficiency in the world, so it is more signifigant.

My reading of the source text is slightly different. My reading of the text is that R. Yossi began to think of concerns in this world until they began to consume him and have power over him. For someone at his spiritual level, it makes sense that the fears would externalize and take the form of a snake only visible to him, which chased him until he fell and hurt himself. When he fell, he received a teaching from the angels. We never learn what happened to the snake, though presumably it disappeared when he fell.

In this reading, the sin of R. Yossi was getting too caught up in worldly matters such that they held power over him. Jews live in the world. There is no tradition of monastic ascetisism within Judaism. It is considered a commandment to get married and have children, which, as all parents know, firmly grounds one in the world and gives one lots of worldly things to think about. R. Yossi's mistake was to let the worldly matters control and drive him.

Living in the modern world, there are many times when I see clients who are being driven by the need for money and their busy schedules. Their "snakes" are their date books and emails. The fears drive them forward faster and faster until they eventually develope health problems which lead them into my office. Those problems often stop them in their tracks and force them to reflect and consider, which can open them to the spiritual world.

In the Zohar passage, the message R. Yossi heard was that Jews are punished more for their sins because they are the chosen people. He understood it to mean that if he was caught up in the physical world for just a few moments and had such a strong reaction, then what could he expect if he spent an hour controlled by his material fears? Or days? Or months?

There is clearly a place in the Jewish world to think about our worldly needs, but one needs to be careful that they don't control us or have power over us. Otherwise they will drive us to self-destruction. But when we do fall down, we need to take that opportunity to grow.

The value of Silence

I heard a wonderful piece of advice recently that came from a friend in Boston:

"You should wait to speak until you are unable to prevent yourself from speaking."

She explained it as meaning you shouldn't say the first thing that comes to mind, but listen to the conversation very carefully, engage fully in what's happening around you, and then speak when you really have something to say.

My take on it is always be aware of our motivations when speaking. Are we saying something because we genuinely want to help the other person? Are we speaking to create connection between ourselves and others? Are we speaking to gratify our own egos? Are we speaking to dominate another person? Are we using what we say to hide ourselves from others and deflect the conversation away from ourselves? Are we speaking because the souls are speaking through us and guiding our voices? All of these, and many more, are possibilities when we speak.

The sages often talk about nullification of one's ego as a part of spiritual work, and I think one of the easiest tools to that end is to listen carefully to what we say. Every word that comes our of our mouths has the potential to create or destroy relationships and worlds. Examining the words we use will let us know if we are speaking for our own benefit, or the benefit of the world and God.

Proverbs 27:19 - Part III - Tears

יט כַּמַּיִם הַפָּנִים לַפָּנִים כֵּן לֵב הָאָדָם לָאָדָם.
19 As face answers to face in water, so does one man's heart to another. (JPS Translation)
19. As the water of the face is to the face, thus the heart of man is to a man. (My translation)

My last thoughts on this piece are from my own interpretation. I interpret “water of the face” as tears, so the question becomes what is the relationship between tears and the face? It then follows to ask what that teaches us about the relationship of a man’s heart to a man?

Following on the earlier discussion, seeing tears on someone’s face is a quick way to feel compassion for someone. It represents an opening in their heart, and it causes an opening in your heart and allows an opportunity for real connection. Just as the tears open the face to compassion, thus a man’s heart opens the way towards compassion for another.

But that is based more on the prior interpretations rather than the text itself. The text would indicate that tears have a special relationship with the face. Tears often come of their own accord, and are expressions of strong emotions. We cry in great happiness or great sadness and the tears become the accent point on our face, no matter how demonstrative our faces are of what we are truly feeling.

The heart likewise has a way of showing itself through into our actions and being. No matter what choices we make with our minds about how to behave or act, our heart will always make itself known through our actions.

Another way of looking at it would be to work backwards by looking at the heart first. Our hearts give us direction, and show us the way in the world. Love and compassion come from God and flow through our hearts to teach us how to behave in the world. In this understanding, tears become the tool to teach us about our feelings and give us direction. We can learn about our gifts and what our tikkun is in the world by what moves us to tears. Compassion opens gates within us, so the tears can lead us forward to repairing the world.

Proverbs 27:19 - Part II - Ba'al Shem Tov

יט כַּמַּיִם הַפָּנִים לַפָּנִים כֵּן לֵב הָאָדָם לָאָדָם.
19 As face answers to face in water, so does one man's heart to another. (JPS Translation)
19. As the water of the face is to the face, thus the heart of man is to a man. (My translation)

It is written that The Ba'al Shem Tov (BSh'T) said:

"When a man stands by the water, he sees his shadow large upon the water. But when a man lowers himself down, the shadow is made smaller. And the more he lowers himself, the more his shadow becomes smaller and smaller until his face upon the water. At that point, the face of his shadow meets the face of the man.

Thus it is with the heart of a man to a man. When a man thinks of himself as great, his friend also thinks of himself as great. But when a man humbles himself before his friend, then his friend will also humble himself until there is nothing but humility between them. And between them is an equality and an equilibrium and by this means they becomes friends who never part."

- Sefer Ba'al Shem Tov, Ki Tessa 15

The BSh'T takes the traditional idea of others reflecting ourselves to a new level. The water becomes the canvas for our shadow, which is only an image of ourselves. When we touch the water, then we encounter our true selves, but to do so requires us to be humble and small. So too with our friends: when we are humble then we can lower ourselves down to the level of real connection with our friends. If we are prideful, then we can expect that from our friends, or if we are hateful, or devious, or any of the myriad of negative emotions. But if we are humble and loving, then we will get that in return from those around us. Implicit in all this is the idea that we can only find our true selves while we are in relation to others.

The question arose in Beit Midrash about what happens when we become small, and our friends respond by become big. An easy example is when two people meet and one is quiet and the other talks a lot. The talker may like talking or he may be talking more to fill the space created by the silence. In this case, there is no equilibrium, no equal balance, and the relationship has changed to one of a different sort.

My first response was to think that they are no longer truly relating to each other. That the relationship has shifted from one of friendship to one of dominance. This is more of an I-it relationship where one person is treating the second as an "other" and not as a full person. Going back to the earlier interpretation of the text, the face of both people become obscured, with neither person showing their true face, as their interactions are determined by their role in the dynamic and not by who they really are.

The BSh'T is challenging us to rise above this dynamic and, with humility, to transcend it. If both people are humble, then neither sees themselves as better than the other, and both are free to show their true selves, no longer allowing the relationship to define them, but to let their own true selves define the relationship instead.

When I thought further on this, I realized that in all relationships, there are times when one person has a larger role in the relationship that the other, or when one person is leading more and the other following. This is a natural part of any relationship. So there is a quality to the relationship that the BSh'T is referring to that is not necessarily about dominance, but about the times when the people are no longer relating to each other, when they are seeing the shadows of each other, and not the actual person in front of them.

A modern psychologist, John Gottman wrote that the thing that really determines when a relationship will fall apart is contempt - when one person loses respect for the other and no longer takes them seriously. My own experience with this is that a person starts to treat the person as an image, not as the person themselves. They listen to what the other person says, but hear something completely different. They've taken their face out of the water and can only see shadows.

This discussion reminds me of good teachers, those that are able to really engage their students without arrogance. They listen to what each students says with a serious ear, and welcome the students contributions without judgment. Just because they are more knowledgeable than the students doesn't mean that the students have nothing to offer and I'm always impressed to hear teachers thank their students for new insights on material the teacher has been studying for years. Their humility allows them to bring out the true face of their students. My mentor John once told me that he never wants to teach someone to become a clone of him, he wants to teach people how to be themselves, only more so. I think that embodies the ideas I'm talking about.

The BSh'T elevated the idea of seeing one's reflection in another person to a moral imperative. He challenges us to be so humble that we are able to truly connect to other people, and our humility induces humility in the other person until we are each able to show who we really are, and in that way elevate the world to a higher level.

Proverbs 27:19 - Part I - Water as a mirror

Today in beit midrash we studied the following passage from Proverbs 27:19. We focused on verse 19, but the first two are included for context.

יז בַּרְזֶל בְּבַרְזֶל יָחַד וְאִישׁ יַחַד פְּנֵי רֵעֵהוּ.
17 As Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the wit of his friend.

יח נֹצֵר תְּאֵנָה יֹאכַל פִּרְיָהּ וְשֹׁמֵר אֲדֹנָיו יְכֻבָּד.
18 He who tends a fig-tree will enjoy it's fruit; and he who cares for his master shall be honored.

יט כַּמַּיִם הַפָּנִים לַפָּנִים כֵּן לֵב הָאָדָם לָאָדָם.
19 As face answers to face in water, so does one man's heart to another. (JPS Translation)
19. As the water of the face is to the face, thus the heart of man is to a man. (My translation)

It was a very interesting discussion and I was left with three very different ideas.

The first comes from Rashi. He interpreted the verse in two sections:

כמים - הללו הפנים שאתה מראה לתוכן הן מראות לך
Like water - That face that you see within it, it reflects/will show you.

כן לב האדם לאדם - חברו לפי מה שאדם יודע שחבירו אוהבו כן הוא מראה לו פנים
Thus the heart of man is to a man - Friendship is according to how much a man knows that his friend loves him, and he will show his (true) face accordingly (my interpretation). Literally: a friend according to what a man knows that his friend loves him, thus he will show him his face.

The other commentators build on this theme. They take the water to mean a mirror that reflects a person back at himself, and the heart to mean that our friends reflect ourselves back at ourselves. If we feel hate or love for another person, they will probably feel the same way as we do.

I read, in a management book many years ago, that when one is frustrated with an employee, then that employee is probably frustrated with you. And it's a good time to sit and talk with that person and work things out. Here was the very same idea expressed over the past thousand years of Jewish commentary. One of those wow moments for me.

Another way to look at this was to know that we can use our relationships with others to reflect back on ourselves. If everyone is angry at you, then chances are you have some anger issues within yourself and it's a good time to reflect. There is a Hawaiian form of Shamanism called Ho'o-Pono-Pono, of which I've heard that one of the main principles is to find the patient's disharmony inside of yourself, correct it there, and then it will be healed in the patient.

In this sense, if a person wants to do a tsuvah between himself and another person, a good way to do that would be to that would be to find the issue inside of yourself, heal that, and then see how the relationship changes. An example would be if two people are angry at one another, but one of those people is able to work through their anger, and transform it, then probably the relationship can be healed. We can only fix the things over which we have power, and mostly that means the things within ourselves. We can't wait for another person to change, we need to change ourselves.

The next post will be about where the Ba'al Shem Tov takes this idea.

Amulet making part II - the difficulties of connection

As I wrote earlier, I am in the process of making an amulet for someone I know who is going through a tough time. Two weeks ago I completed the brass prototype of the design (pictures below). I made a prototype to learn the skills needed to make jewelry and to see how the design would look. It came out pretty well, if I do say so myself. So this past week I bought some silver and began work on the real thing.

While I was working, I took out a picture of the person for whom the amulet is being made and placed it in front of me . My thinking was to connect to her energy while I was creating the amulet so it would be linked to her. In creating the prototype amulet, I snapped two hacksaw blades (they are very, very thin). In the first twenty minutes of working on this amulet, I snapped six blades. My cuts were uneven and ragged, and nothing seemed to be going well. I stopped working and took a moment to try to figure out what was going on - my body was relaxed, my hands were soft, but my energy was crazy.

I realized I connected to her and had drawn her energy into the room with me. She is in a chaotic and crazy place in her life where things just don't seem to be working out as she wants them too, and that was effecting my work on the amulet. Once I realized that's what was going on, I was able to change my connection to one of healing. In that way, the making of the amulet became a tikkun for her, not just an object of power.

It was still difficult to complete the cutting, but I was able to do so without breaking any more blades and emerged with something I was happy with. The more I worked, the more focused I had became, and the smoother things went. I am hoping the energetic of 'chaos to focus' will stick with the amulet and help her along.

The front:


(The letters are done in ancient Hebrew writing, and I have a lot to learn about how to photograph jewelry - sorry!)

Back:

An interesting encounter with a Muslim Mystic

I had a very interesting experience today. I attended a lecture by an Israeli-Arab Sufi mystic who does a lot of cross cultural talks. He was talking about the History of Islam and while he lectured, I felt no power or energy coming from him. He began to talk about how Muslim's pray and people were very curious about the bows (he had been describing it poorly). So he got up and demonstrated how it's done by going through the beginning of one of the prayers.

Immediately, the energy in the room changed. A conduit opened above him and a soul entered the room. He prayed for about two minutes and then returned to his lecture. I focused on the soul that had entered to see what it was. It occurred to me that his gift/power was in his prayers, not in his lectures.

I was in a very open environment, so a minute or two later, I asked him who had come in. At first he misunderstood the question, but then I rephrased it and he got what I meant (though I don't think anyone else in the room understood what I was talking about). He replied that Muslims welcome Eliyahu HaNavi when they pray. I replied that it didn't feel like the Eliahu that I'd met before. He smiled at me and continued with his lecture.

At that point, the spirit came over the me and began to circle me, faster and faster. It wasn't threatening, just moving around me. I felt myself, as I've felt before, as a Chasid: having a long beard and Peyot, and wearing a black coat and hat. The spirit circled me for awhile, then gradually faded as I disconnected with it.

I don't really know what to make of it all, but I thought it was interesting.

Yod

My Chevruta Dov, who is a scribe, wrote a letter for me a few weeks ago. I had asked him to write me a letter that I could then focus on and use to help "see" better. He wrote me a Yod.

When I focused on the letter, it showed me that it was composed on three parts: the crown on top, the body, and leg, each a separate gate. I began with the leg. As I focused into it, I felt myself turning quickly to either the right or the left. It was like a prism, that instantly shifted the direction of the light that entered it. The body was filled with the swirling energies of creation, and the crown on top was filled with the pure light of God.

Putting it all together, I see the letter as representing powerful change done either in the direction of God or under the direction of God.

When you add vowel sounds to it, it changes the emphasis between the three parts. The different vowel sounds change the emphasis between the three parts. Though kamatz (the ah sound that looks like a T) brings out only the top two: the light of God and the power of creation, which makes sense, as that is, when pronounced, a name of God.

When I came back to Dov, excited by what I'd seen, he told me that the Yod is usually thought of as Keter-Hochma-Binah, the three highest sephirot.

He then told me that what he'd actually written was a vav! I realized I had looked at it quickly, then pictured a yod in my head when I meditated. So now I have to find out what comes from the vav. More next week!