I was at the rebbe's last night and had a vision of Reb Nachman. I met him, as usual, in a forest. We traveled for a little bit and I asked him how I could learn to see better in the spirit world. He said to follow him. We went through lots of twists and turns and I realized we were walking through a navy ship - up metal stairways, through doors, and down narrow passages. We emerged into blackness, I continued to follow him through nothingness. In front of us appeared a podium, the only lighted thing I could see, and on it was a table with a Torah laid open upon it.
I looked down into it and he told me to look at the letters, at every stroke, even at the crowns upon the letters. As I did, each one drew me in and opened into an entire world. It was like I was going through the letter into an entirely different place. When I pulled myself out and back to the podium, I looked again at a word and the word became translucent and I was drawn in and through it.
Reb Nachman told me to practice this technique. Start with a letter and see where it takes me and what it feels like. Then focus on the entire word, then on a sentence. Then start again at a new letter, even at a stroke or a crown, and see what it feels like and where it takes me. He said that if I practice this, then it will help me see.
On the way home, I told my friend about it and he mentioned that this is one of the Ba'al Shem Tov's fundamental ideas: that each letter of Torah is an entire world. So it makes sense that the BSh"T's grandson would send me there.
Showing posts with label Morgenstern. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Morgenstern. Show all posts
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Purim Darkness
I just returned from the rebbe's on this Purim eve and several things struck me about the experience. The table was reversed from it's usual position, so the rebbe sat at what is normally the foot. There was a lot of alcohol and wine being drunk. Most of the people there were drunk by the time I got there at 9:30 pm. And the spirits in the room were not at all who I expected.
Purim is a holiday where most people dress up, though most of the hasids were not. I always assumed is was very different from Halloween as there are none of the scary costumes or traditions. Halloween is a night the dead return and we dress up so they don't recognize us. Purim has always been light and frivolous: we dress up to have fun.
But when I got there, the spirits in the room were dancing about, and when I finally connected to the strongest one, it felt like Loki, the Norse god of mischief, or Dionysus, the Greek god of wine. It struck me that Purim is a holiday that pre-dates Judaism, and we adapted it to fit one of our stories, though poorly. I need to learn from where in the story the costume and drinking is derived, as it doesn't seem a natural extension of the story. As I stayed longer, I could see that this dark energy was just another manifestation of God, but I do not understand why we devote a holiday to it. It has never been my way, but I guess it's important to acknowledge all the aspects of God, even the ones that don't speak to us personally.
As I walked home, I wondered why there was not more violence or mischief on Purim, but I'll have to think on that.
Purim is a holiday where most people dress up, though most of the hasids were not. I always assumed is was very different from Halloween as there are none of the scary costumes or traditions. Halloween is a night the dead return and we dress up so they don't recognize us. Purim has always been light and frivolous: we dress up to have fun.
But when I got there, the spirits in the room were dancing about, and when I finally connected to the strongest one, it felt like Loki, the Norse god of mischief, or Dionysus, the Greek god of wine. It struck me that Purim is a holiday that pre-dates Judaism, and we adapted it to fit one of our stories, though poorly. I need to learn from where in the story the costume and drinking is derived, as it doesn't seem a natural extension of the story. As I stayed longer, I could see that this dark energy was just another manifestation of God, but I do not understand why we devote a holiday to it. It has never been my way, but I guess it's important to acknowledge all the aspects of God, even the ones that don't speak to us personally.
As I walked home, I wondered why there was not more violence or mischief on Purim, but I'll have to think on that.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Cleaning out the basement
I went to Morgenstern's last week. I got there early and the rebbe had not arrived yet, so people were sitting around talking or studying. I found a place at the table and next to me was a copy of Likutei Moharan, the teaching of Reb Nachman of Bretslev. I opened up to a page at random and scanned my fingers over the text to feel what text I was supposed to read. I landed on a passage about how a person's love for God is through the heart and the love is connected to Ayn Sof (a name for God meaning "without end"). The passage continues that a person must constrict one's heart slightly to make room in it to do God's work. Much as God needed to constrict himself to leave room for the created within him. To me, I realized that the love that is in my heart is Ayn Sof, without end.
When the rebbe came in, I sang the nigunim and fell into the half-trance of the place. I was with Reb Nachman in the woods. He was screaming to God and I was with him. When he began to speak, it intensified. Nachman led me to my spiritual beit midrash, but instead of going through the entrance, we went into the basement. I didn't even know there was a basement. The way in was through a small pipe. I squeezed through and found myself in a dark room where the darkness was almost palatable. There were many small tables, and across each, two people were studying. But the entire place was studying. Nachman was nowhere to be seen.
I walked through the room until I came to one table which seemed to have more light than the others. I understood that I was supposed to study with them. I sat down, but they did not want me there. One of them finally got up so we could study. I asked what book, but got a stern look back and finger to lip told me to be quiet. The eyes were what stood out for me: small, beady, and full of rage. He stared at me and handed me a book. I opened it and saw the letter kuf (ק) drawn large in the center of the page, and surrounding it were words made from small black, fiery letters. The only word I could read was Kadosh, holy.
I tried to match his intensity, but couldn't. Every time I tried to speak, he told me to be quiet. I didn't know what to do. So I finally tried to connect to him with love. I reached out my heart and felt like I was going through many layers of heavy, worn-out clothing. As I was doing this, I noticed that many of the others in the basement had stopped studying and were gathering silently around our table.
I finally reached inside of him, and found a beautiful light that came forth from him. I felt my keter (crown) open and a tunnel open above me that leads up to the higher worlds. His bright soul left and went up the tunnel. As soon as he was gone, another sat in his place and wanted the same thing. The second was much easier, and soon they were all shedding their clothing and going upward. I had the sense that they were trapped tzaddikim and I was letting them go to do their work. As the last ones went upward, I felt myself carried upward with them.
I went up the tunnel to the cloud realm - a place I've been before and there was Nachman. When he turned, across him body was the letter Kuf (ק). The top of the letter went across his shoulders and the rest was drawn down his torso, with the long line down dropping to his legs. He came to me, embraced me, and I was back in the room with Morgenstern.
When the rebbe came in, I sang the nigunim and fell into the half-trance of the place. I was with Reb Nachman in the woods. He was screaming to God and I was with him. When he began to speak, it intensified. Nachman led me to my spiritual beit midrash, but instead of going through the entrance, we went into the basement. I didn't even know there was a basement. The way in was through a small pipe. I squeezed through and found myself in a dark room where the darkness was almost palatable. There were many small tables, and across each, two people were studying. But the entire place was studying. Nachman was nowhere to be seen.
I walked through the room until I came to one table which seemed to have more light than the others. I understood that I was supposed to study with them. I sat down, but they did not want me there. One of them finally got up so we could study. I asked what book, but got a stern look back and finger to lip told me to be quiet. The eyes were what stood out for me: small, beady, and full of rage. He stared at me and handed me a book. I opened it and saw the letter kuf (ק) drawn large in the center of the page, and surrounding it were words made from small black, fiery letters. The only word I could read was Kadosh, holy.
I tried to match his intensity, but couldn't. Every time I tried to speak, he told me to be quiet. I didn't know what to do. So I finally tried to connect to him with love. I reached out my heart and felt like I was going through many layers of heavy, worn-out clothing. As I was doing this, I noticed that many of the others in the basement had stopped studying and were gathering silently around our table.
I finally reached inside of him, and found a beautiful light that came forth from him. I felt my keter (crown) open and a tunnel open above me that leads up to the higher worlds. His bright soul left and went up the tunnel. As soon as he was gone, another sat in his place and wanted the same thing. The second was much easier, and soon they were all shedding their clothing and going upward. I had the sense that they were trapped tzaddikim and I was letting them go to do their work. As the last ones went upward, I felt myself carried upward with them.
I went up the tunnel to the cloud realm - a place I've been before and there was Nachman. When he turned, across him body was the letter Kuf (ק). The top of the letter went across his shoulders and the rest was drawn down his torso, with the long line down dropping to his legs. He came to me, embraced me, and I was back in the room with Morgenstern.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
a line of light
Tonight I went to Morgenstern's and had a very interesting and intense experience. I have started to take a class with him on Wednesday nights on Hayyim Vital's Otzarot Hayyim. I've only gone to two classes so far, but it's very interesting. The class is supposed to be in English, but I think only 50% or less in actually in English. The rest is in either Yiddish or Heavily Yiddish accented Hebrew. Many of the words he uses have multiple meanings, or they are used to refer to concepts (which I only sometimes know) so it's been very challenging to follow what he's saying.
I've been studying the book on my own before class and reading all the commentaries in the edition I own, so I think I'm keeping up! Fortunately, I live in the 21st century and all the classes are digitally recorded as MP3's. In the next week or so, the classes will be posted on a website and I can listen to them again to make sure I'm understanding what he's saying.
The first lines of the book (we've only covered two or three paragraphs so far) is about the creation of the world. God, who is called אור אין סוף (ohr ayn-sof) or light without end, created the world by a process of contraction. In the middle of the light, God contracted himself and created a ball of חלול (meaning both hollow space and desecration against God). Into this ball, God inserted a קו (straight line of light) or צינור (pipe) and filled the ball with his light. Thus all of the worlds were created.
The rebbe interpreted this to mean that outside of the ball, there are no borders, but within the ball there are. There is a division between inside and outside that is still a border, and the pipe is also a border, but within the pipe, it's still light ayn-sof. If there were no borders, the world would return to pre-contraction state. But this pipe remains open so God can send his light into the world. How an infinite light can exist in a finite pipe is a good Koan.
When I first read the book, I wrote in the margins: This is just like a shamanic tunnel. Shamans always talk about going through a tunnel to get to the spirit world, and we have a tunnel that lead to God. Thus, if one can access this pipe, one can use it as a shamanic portal into the spirit world.
Tonight, at the Rebbe's Tish, I was flowing with the energy of the room and as he began to talk, I found myself wondering about this pipe. And, as happens with these things, the picture of the pipe in the book came to me. As I focused on the pipe within the circle, there it was in front of me. I went towards it, and as I looked up it's length, it twisted and turned. I kept moving forward through the wall of the pipe and was inside it. It was like nothing I've felt before. I felt like I was completely immersed in a heavy liquid, but felt no pressure anywhere. When I looked up, I could see the pipe going straight above me to Ayn-Sof. And then there was no up or down anymore.
The light in the pipe was moving, but it felt very random until I realized that I no longer had any sense of directionality. There was no up or down or left or right. Everything was exactly the same in all directions. Except that I knew that if I backed up, I would be back through the wall. There wasn't anything except the substance surrounding me.
Morgenstern had talked about using the line to go up through the worlds and for God to emanate light into our world, but inside the line, there was no movement in any particular direction. I backed out of it and found handles on the outside of the pipe. I grabbed hold of them and before I knew it, I was flying upward through the worlds. When it stopped moving, I don't know where I was, but it felt pretty high and far from where I'd started.
I have always wanted to know what the sephirot feel like, and when I asked at this point to feel them or feel the worlds, I was told to wait, one thing at a time.
I used my time at this high point, to check in with some old and current patients and see how they felt from this vantage. One of them in particular felt very rough and, as I'm writing this entry, I received an email from her with some bad news.
We'll see what the coming weeks bring, but it's amazing to read something and get an intellectual understanding of it and then get an experiential feel as well!
I've been studying the book on my own before class and reading all the commentaries in the edition I own, so I think I'm keeping up! Fortunately, I live in the 21st century and all the classes are digitally recorded as MP3's. In the next week or so, the classes will be posted on a website and I can listen to them again to make sure I'm understanding what he's saying.
The first lines of the book (we've only covered two or three paragraphs so far) is about the creation of the world. God, who is called אור אין סוף (ohr ayn-sof) or light without end, created the world by a process of contraction. In the middle of the light, God contracted himself and created a ball of חלול (meaning both hollow space and desecration against God). Into this ball, God inserted a קו (straight line of light) or צינור (pipe) and filled the ball with his light. Thus all of the worlds were created.
The rebbe interpreted this to mean that outside of the ball, there are no borders, but within the ball there are. There is a division between inside and outside that is still a border, and the pipe is also a border, but within the pipe, it's still light ayn-sof. If there were no borders, the world would return to pre-contraction state. But this pipe remains open so God can send his light into the world. How an infinite light can exist in a finite pipe is a good Koan.
When I first read the book, I wrote in the margins: This is just like a shamanic tunnel. Shamans always talk about going through a tunnel to get to the spirit world, and we have a tunnel that lead to God. Thus, if one can access this pipe, one can use it as a shamanic portal into the spirit world.
Tonight, at the Rebbe's Tish, I was flowing with the energy of the room and as he began to talk, I found myself wondering about this pipe. And, as happens with these things, the picture of the pipe in the book came to me. As I focused on the pipe within the circle, there it was in front of me. I went towards it, and as I looked up it's length, it twisted and turned. I kept moving forward through the wall of the pipe and was inside it. It was like nothing I've felt before. I felt like I was completely immersed in a heavy liquid, but felt no pressure anywhere. When I looked up, I could see the pipe going straight above me to Ayn-Sof. And then there was no up or down anymore.
The light in the pipe was moving, but it felt very random until I realized that I no longer had any sense of directionality. There was no up or down or left or right. Everything was exactly the same in all directions. Except that I knew that if I backed up, I would be back through the wall. There wasn't anything except the substance surrounding me.
Morgenstern had talked about using the line to go up through the worlds and for God to emanate light into our world, but inside the line, there was no movement in any particular direction. I backed out of it and found handles on the outside of the pipe. I grabbed hold of them and before I knew it, I was flying upward through the worlds. When it stopped moving, I don't know where I was, but it felt pretty high and far from where I'd started.
I have always wanted to know what the sephirot feel like, and when I asked at this point to feel them or feel the worlds, I was told to wait, one thing at a time.
I used my time at this high point, to check in with some old and current patients and see how they felt from this vantage. One of them in particular felt very rough and, as I'm writing this entry, I received an email from her with some bad news.
We'll see what the coming weeks bring, but it's amazing to read something and get an intellectual understanding of it and then get an experiential feel as well!
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Honi the circler and a line of power
Tonight I went to see Morgenstern again. The energy felt very good tonight, and I wasn't disappointed.
When we first got there, I had a long conversation with a man there I have met before who seems to take care of a lot of the logistical details around the yeshiva. He had told me earlier of another Hasidic master that I should meet. Tonight I asked him how to get to meet this person. He told me there were several ways: the first was to get accepted into his "Kollel" or adult study where a person receives a stipend to study. Baring that, the easiest way to meet him was to donate money, say, around $1000 or bring people to him that would donate. When I indicated that those weren't good options, he told me that he teaches classes, and if I dressed like a hassid, I could sneak into one of the classes. At that point, I realized that this teacher was probably not someone I'd want to meet with anyway. Too many layers. And I don't want to meet someone for whom I have to pretend to be someone else. So I'll keep looking for other kabbalistic masters.
I also asked him how he experienced Morgenstern's energy. he said it was like light emanating out from him. It was in the sephirah of Keter. An interesting way of talking about it, but not one I understand yet.
During the first talk that Morgenstern gave, I went very deep and felt a lot of power. At first I tried to connect with Morgenstern, but quickly realized that there was another soul right in front of me, above and to the left. Last week, when I was there, I was very sick, and another soul came to the same place. I thought at that point that it was the Amshinover. He pressed into the left side of my head until I finally let him in. He then put a long pole of light down through my head into the center of my body. I asked him what it was and he said: Boundaries. I've been playing with it all week.
Tonight, the soul was much more powerful, and again pushed a rod of light into my body. This time, however, it went above and below me, and had handholds like knots in a rope every few feet. When I asked who it was, I was asked back if it was important. No, I said, so I let it be. Later on, I thought it was Honi the Circler (a talmudic figure) and asked again. This time, he drew a circle for me. I asked him about how to get powerful and he said that in asking the question, I was preventing it from happening. That my motivations for becoming powerful were to impress others. I thought that I needed to become more modest, and he said no, that would happen on it's own. I needed to focus on learning, not self-aggrandizing, and I would move forward. Then he said he was done, and he was gone. He is definitely not a soul I can call, and I count myself blessed that he showed up.
I connected to Morgenstern then, and again, he was very far away. I realized that I could use the rod that Honi had put into my body like a ling shu, a spiritual pivot, to climb into the spiritual world. So I went up and found myself inside myself looking down at the room. I could see that Morgenstern didn't have spirits around him, as I suspected, telling him what to say (magidim), but instead was filled with divine light that gave him the inspiration. And that light emanated out into the room. Just like my friend had described. But I also realized that he wasn't getting anything back from the other people in the room.
Some people have a guru mentality, where they are nourished by the attention they receive from others. Some have a dark guru power where they take other's power to use as their own, thereby making the other people dependent on them. Morgenstern didn't seem to get anything from the people in the room. He was doing what he was doing, and some of the people in the room were taking from him, which I think must be hard on him, some were not connecting at all, and almost none were giving anything back to him. I can only think it must be very draining on him. I tried to figure out how I could give back to him and make it a two way connection, but I'm not sure I succeeded. It made me think it's time to meet him outside of these Motzei Shabbat (Saturday night) talks.
When we first got there, I had a long conversation with a man there I have met before who seems to take care of a lot of the logistical details around the yeshiva. He had told me earlier of another Hasidic master that I should meet. Tonight I asked him how to get to meet this person. He told me there were several ways: the first was to get accepted into his "Kollel" or adult study where a person receives a stipend to study. Baring that, the easiest way to meet him was to donate money, say, around $1000 or bring people to him that would donate. When I indicated that those weren't good options, he told me that he teaches classes, and if I dressed like a hassid, I could sneak into one of the classes. At that point, I realized that this teacher was probably not someone I'd want to meet with anyway. Too many layers. And I don't want to meet someone for whom I have to pretend to be someone else. So I'll keep looking for other kabbalistic masters.
I also asked him how he experienced Morgenstern's energy. he said it was like light emanating out from him. It was in the sephirah of Keter. An interesting way of talking about it, but not one I understand yet.
During the first talk that Morgenstern gave, I went very deep and felt a lot of power. At first I tried to connect with Morgenstern, but quickly realized that there was another soul right in front of me, above and to the left. Last week, when I was there, I was very sick, and another soul came to the same place. I thought at that point that it was the Amshinover. He pressed into the left side of my head until I finally let him in. He then put a long pole of light down through my head into the center of my body. I asked him what it was and he said: Boundaries. I've been playing with it all week.
Tonight, the soul was much more powerful, and again pushed a rod of light into my body. This time, however, it went above and below me, and had handholds like knots in a rope every few feet. When I asked who it was, I was asked back if it was important. No, I said, so I let it be. Later on, I thought it was Honi the Circler (a talmudic figure) and asked again. This time, he drew a circle for me. I asked him about how to get powerful and he said that in asking the question, I was preventing it from happening. That my motivations for becoming powerful were to impress others. I thought that I needed to become more modest, and he said no, that would happen on it's own. I needed to focus on learning, not self-aggrandizing, and I would move forward. Then he said he was done, and he was gone. He is definitely not a soul I can call, and I count myself blessed that he showed up.
I connected to Morgenstern then, and again, he was very far away. I realized that I could use the rod that Honi had put into my body like a ling shu, a spiritual pivot, to climb into the spiritual world. So I went up and found myself inside myself looking down at the room. I could see that Morgenstern didn't have spirits around him, as I suspected, telling him what to say (magidim), but instead was filled with divine light that gave him the inspiration. And that light emanated out into the room. Just like my friend had described. But I also realized that he wasn't getting anything back from the other people in the room.
Some people have a guru mentality, where they are nourished by the attention they receive from others. Some have a dark guru power where they take other's power to use as their own, thereby making the other people dependent on them. Morgenstern didn't seem to get anything from the people in the room. He was doing what he was doing, and some of the people in the room were taking from him, which I think must be hard on him, some were not connecting at all, and almost none were giving anything back to him. I can only think it must be very draining on him. I tried to figure out how I could give back to him and make it a two way connection, but I'm not sure I succeeded. It made me think it's time to meet him outside of these Motzei Shabbat (Saturday night) talks.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
A simple yet powerful thought.
Tonight I went to see Morgenstern again. I got there late because I went to see a different chasidic master. This one was more populist and less powerful. It was interesting, but not something I think that I will do again.
When I got to Morgenstern, he was already speaking, so I just let myself drift into it. I sensed the calm and the focus of the room. Everything was very quiet and just Morgenstern speaking. I again went to the heavenly beit midrash where they scolded me for being late. I told them that I was at the other master and they told me not to go there again, but to come here.
Then I sat down to study there with a chevruta who's face was entirely a shadow, I couldn't see it at all. We started to study and he showed me the word אתה (you) and I understood that it includes aleph to tav, all the letters of creation, with the ה representing the 10 sephirot of the tree of life [Note on October 22, 2009: I don't understand this now, but would explain it as ה meaning Hashem which contains everything]. Then I was shown that אני (I) can mean אין (nothing). I was told that when I study, I have to pay close attention to my partner, and not get absorbed in my own stuff. If I can really make a heart connection, as well as a mind connection with my partner, then the study will be a very powerful experience. If I focus on that, the worlds can be open to me through study.
It's a very simple, but a very powerful thought.
When I got to Morgenstern, he was already speaking, so I just let myself drift into it. I sensed the calm and the focus of the room. Everything was very quiet and just Morgenstern speaking. I again went to the heavenly beit midrash where they scolded me for being late. I told them that I was at the other master and they told me not to go there again, but to come here.
Then I sat down to study there with a chevruta who's face was entirely a shadow, I couldn't see it at all. We started to study and he showed me the word אתה (you) and I understood that it includes aleph to tav, all the letters of creation, with the ה representing the 10 sephirot of the tree of life [Note on October 22, 2009: I don't understand this now, but would explain it as ה meaning Hashem which contains everything]. Then I was shown that אני (I) can mean אין (nothing). I was told that when I study, I have to pay close attention to my partner, and not get absorbed in my own stuff. If I can really make a heart connection, as well as a mind connection with my partner, then the study will be a very powerful experience. If I focus on that, the worlds can be open to me through study.
It's a very simple, but a very powerful thought.
Friday, August 10, 2007
I went to see a Hasidic master named Morgenstern last Saturday night. Not really see him, but sit at his table while he prays and speaks entirely in Yiddish. I don't speak any yiddish, nor do I really understand the Hebrew as it's so heavily accented. So mainly I'm there to soak up the energy, which can be quite powerful.
It is their custom to extend the sabbath as long as possible, so even though it was after shabbat for me, for him, the sabbath continues until late in the night. Accordingly, I was there for seudah Shlishit, or third meal, which usually occurs around four in the afternoon. I got there about 10:15 pm, and they had only started a half hour earlier.
I went last week, so this was my second time. He does this every week as the sabbath goes out. The general flow is that people sing and pray, then Morgenstern speaks for a while, then more songs and prayers, then another talk. So these were my thoughts on my visit tonight.
The room was packed. Someone had gotten married today, so this was a blessing for him or something like that. It also meant there were a lot of people there who don't normally come.
During the first time he spoke, I went on a journey to the beit midrash elyon (the heavenly study house, a place of power for me that I go to often). All was quiet there as people listened to him. They made occasional side comments about what he said, but as I couldn’t understand what he was saying, I didn’t know what they were saying either.
I went to table there and sat down. A book was open and I looked at it. The words were vibrating. The letters were floating around the page, and all through it, the words were infused with the multi-colored ribbons of creation. I understood that Morgenstern goes to the other side by studying, and the words carry him there. And I understood that I can do this too.
I realized also that the physical room was full of distraction. The people there were listening to what he was saying, but they didn’t really get it, so the room was terribly distracted. He spoke for a long time, so people got very restless. I found their behavior distracting. And I closed my eyes again, and was told to open my heart, which has been the message I’ve been getting for the past few weeks. I did and it was overwhelming. I could feel all of the people in the room and their distraction. All of their emotions, and thoughts. I wanted to check out again, but I was told to stay and ride with it. I did until the end of his talk. It will take a lot practice to do that without being overwhelmed or taking on other people’s stuff.
When he spoke the second time, I felt myself pulled very fast forward, like everything was in super-speed. I just went with it, and then found myself in a yard with a bunch of logs and an axe. I was told to chop wood. I chopped. I got distracted, I was told to chop. My thoughts wandered, I was told to chop. Towards the end of his talk, I was shown some of the exercises I need to do to learn Hebrew, and I was told to chop. I realized that I’m not chopping wood to achieve the zen enlightenment: Chop wood, carry water. I’m chopping wood so I can learn to focus and do the same exercise over and again until I get it. I was also shown that some people get through to the other side by doing a repetitive action.
I'm excited to go this week and see what happens.
It is their custom to extend the sabbath as long as possible, so even though it was after shabbat for me, for him, the sabbath continues until late in the night. Accordingly, I was there for seudah Shlishit, or third meal, which usually occurs around four in the afternoon. I got there about 10:15 pm, and they had only started a half hour earlier.
I went last week, so this was my second time. He does this every week as the sabbath goes out. The general flow is that people sing and pray, then Morgenstern speaks for a while, then more songs and prayers, then another talk. So these were my thoughts on my visit tonight.
The room was packed. Someone had gotten married today, so this was a blessing for him or something like that. It also meant there were a lot of people there who don't normally come.
During the first time he spoke, I went on a journey to the beit midrash elyon (the heavenly study house, a place of power for me that I go to often). All was quiet there as people listened to him. They made occasional side comments about what he said, but as I couldn’t understand what he was saying, I didn’t know what they were saying either.
I went to table there and sat down. A book was open and I looked at it. The words were vibrating. The letters were floating around the page, and all through it, the words were infused with the multi-colored ribbons of creation. I understood that Morgenstern goes to the other side by studying, and the words carry him there. And I understood that I can do this too.
I realized also that the physical room was full of distraction. The people there were listening to what he was saying, but they didn’t really get it, so the room was terribly distracted. He spoke for a long time, so people got very restless. I found their behavior distracting. And I closed my eyes again, and was told to open my heart, which has been the message I’ve been getting for the past few weeks. I did and it was overwhelming. I could feel all of the people in the room and their distraction. All of their emotions, and thoughts. I wanted to check out again, but I was told to stay and ride with it. I did until the end of his talk. It will take a lot practice to do that without being overwhelmed or taking on other people’s stuff.
When he spoke the second time, I felt myself pulled very fast forward, like everything was in super-speed. I just went with it, and then found myself in a yard with a bunch of logs and an axe. I was told to chop wood. I chopped. I got distracted, I was told to chop. My thoughts wandered, I was told to chop. Towards the end of his talk, I was shown some of the exercises I need to do to learn Hebrew, and I was told to chop. I realized that I’m not chopping wood to achieve the zen enlightenment: Chop wood, carry water. I’m chopping wood so I can learn to focus and do the same exercise over and again until I get it. I was also shown that some people get through to the other side by doing a repetitive action.
I'm excited to go this week and see what happens.
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