יט כַּמַּיִם הַפָּנִים לַפָּנִים כֵּן לֵב הָאָדָם לָאָדָם.
19 As face answers to face in water, so does one man's heart to another. (JPS Translation)
19. As the water of the face is to the face, thus the heart of man is to a man. (My translation)
My last thoughts on this piece are from my own interpretation. I interpret “water of the face” as tears, so the question becomes what is the relationship between tears and the face? It then follows to ask what that teaches us about the relationship of a man’s heart to a man?
Following on the earlier discussion, seeing tears on someone’s face is a quick way to feel compassion for someone. It represents an opening in their heart, and it causes an opening in your heart and allows an opportunity for real connection. Just as the tears open the face to compassion, thus a man’s heart opens the way towards compassion for another.
But that is based more on the prior interpretations rather than the text itself. The text would indicate that tears have a special relationship with the face. Tears often come of their own accord, and are expressions of strong emotions. We cry in great happiness or great sadness and the tears become the accent point on our face, no matter how demonstrative our faces are of what we are truly feeling.
The heart likewise has a way of showing itself through into our actions and being. No matter what choices we make with our minds about how to behave or act, our heart will always make itself known through our actions.
Another way of looking at it would be to work backwards by looking at the heart first. Our hearts give us direction, and show us the way in the world. Love and compassion come from God and flow through our hearts to teach us how to behave in the world. In this understanding, tears become the tool to teach us about our feelings and give us direction. We can learn about our gifts and what our tikkun is in the world by what moves us to tears. Compassion opens gates within us, so the tears can lead us forward to repairing the world.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Proverbs 27:19 - Part II - Ba'al Shem Tov
יט כַּמַּיִם הַפָּנִים לַפָּנִים כֵּן לֵב הָאָדָם לָאָדָם.
19 As face answers to face in water, so does one man's heart to another. (JPS Translation)
19. As the water of the face is to the face, thus the heart of man is to a man. (My translation)
It is written that The Ba'al Shem Tov (BSh'T) said:
The question arose in Beit Midrash about what happens when we become small, and our friends respond by become big. An easy example is when two people meet and one is quiet and the other talks a lot. The talker may like talking or he may be talking more to fill the space created by the silence. In this case, there is no equilibrium, no equal balance, and the relationship has changed to one of a different sort.
My first response was to think that they are no longer truly relating to each other. That the relationship has shifted from one of friendship to one of dominance. This is more of an I-it relationship where one person is treating the second as an "other" and not as a full person. Going back to the earlier interpretation of the text, the face of both people become obscured, with neither person showing their true face, as their interactions are determined by their role in the dynamic and not by who they really are.
The BSh'T is challenging us to rise above this dynamic and, with humility, to transcend it. If both people are humble, then neither sees themselves as better than the other, and both are free to show their true selves, no longer allowing the relationship to define them, but to let their own true selves define the relationship instead.
When I thought further on this, I realized that in all relationships, there are times when one person has a larger role in the relationship that the other, or when one person is leading more and the other following. This is a natural part of any relationship. So there is a quality to the relationship that the BSh'T is referring to that is not necessarily about dominance, but about the times when the people are no longer relating to each other, when they are seeing the shadows of each other, and not the actual person in front of them.
A modern psychologist, John Gottman wrote that the thing that really determines when a relationship will fall apart is contempt - when one person loses respect for the other and no longer takes them seriously. My own experience with this is that a person starts to treat the person as an image, not as the person themselves. They listen to what the other person says, but hear something completely different. They've taken their face out of the water and can only see shadows.
This discussion reminds me of good teachers, those that are able to really engage their students without arrogance. They listen to what each students says with a serious ear, and welcome the students contributions without judgment. Just because they are more knowledgeable than the students doesn't mean that the students have nothing to offer and I'm always impressed to hear teachers thank their students for new insights on material the teacher has been studying for years. Their humility allows them to bring out the true face of their students. My mentor John once told me that he never wants to teach someone to become a clone of him, he wants to teach people how to be themselves, only more so. I think that embodies the ideas I'm talking about.
The BSh'T elevated the idea of seeing one's reflection in another person to a moral imperative. He challenges us to be so humble that we are able to truly connect to other people, and our humility induces humility in the other person until we are each able to show who we really are, and in that way elevate the world to a higher level.
19 As face answers to face in water, so does one man's heart to another. (JPS Translation)
19. As the water of the face is to the face, thus the heart of man is to a man. (My translation)
It is written that The Ba'al Shem Tov (BSh'T) said:
"When a man stands by the water, he sees his shadow large upon the water. But when a man lowers himself down, the shadow is made smaller. And the more he lowers himself, the more his shadow becomes smaller and smaller until his face upon the water. At that point, the face of his shadow meets the face of the man.The BSh'T takes the traditional idea of others reflecting ourselves to a new level. The water becomes the canvas for our shadow, which is only an image of ourselves. When we touch the water, then we encounter our true selves, but to do so requires us to be humble and small. So too with our friends: when we are humble then we can lower ourselves down to the level of real connection with our friends. If we are prideful, then we can expect that from our friends, or if we are hateful, or devious, or any of the myriad of negative emotions. But if we are humble and loving, then we will get that in return from those around us. Implicit in all this is the idea that we can only find our true selves while we are in relation to others.
Thus it is with the heart of a man to a man. When a man thinks of himself as great, his friend also thinks of himself as great. But when a man humbles himself before his friend, then his friend will also humble himself until there is nothing but humility between them. And between them is an equality and an equilibrium and by this means they becomes friends who never part."
- Sefer Ba'al Shem Tov, Ki Tessa 15
The question arose in Beit Midrash about what happens when we become small, and our friends respond by become big. An easy example is when two people meet and one is quiet and the other talks a lot. The talker may like talking or he may be talking more to fill the space created by the silence. In this case, there is no equilibrium, no equal balance, and the relationship has changed to one of a different sort.
My first response was to think that they are no longer truly relating to each other. That the relationship has shifted from one of friendship to one of dominance. This is more of an I-it relationship where one person is treating the second as an "other" and not as a full person. Going back to the earlier interpretation of the text, the face of both people become obscured, with neither person showing their true face, as their interactions are determined by their role in the dynamic and not by who they really are.
The BSh'T is challenging us to rise above this dynamic and, with humility, to transcend it. If both people are humble, then neither sees themselves as better than the other, and both are free to show their true selves, no longer allowing the relationship to define them, but to let their own true selves define the relationship instead.
When I thought further on this, I realized that in all relationships, there are times when one person has a larger role in the relationship that the other, or when one person is leading more and the other following. This is a natural part of any relationship. So there is a quality to the relationship that the BSh'T is referring to that is not necessarily about dominance, but about the times when the people are no longer relating to each other, when they are seeing the shadows of each other, and not the actual person in front of them.
A modern psychologist, John Gottman wrote that the thing that really determines when a relationship will fall apart is contempt - when one person loses respect for the other and no longer takes them seriously. My own experience with this is that a person starts to treat the person as an image, not as the person themselves. They listen to what the other person says, but hear something completely different. They've taken their face out of the water and can only see shadows.
This discussion reminds me of good teachers, those that are able to really engage their students without arrogance. They listen to what each students says with a serious ear, and welcome the students contributions without judgment. Just because they are more knowledgeable than the students doesn't mean that the students have nothing to offer and I'm always impressed to hear teachers thank their students for new insights on material the teacher has been studying for years. Their humility allows them to bring out the true face of their students. My mentor John once told me that he never wants to teach someone to become a clone of him, he wants to teach people how to be themselves, only more so. I think that embodies the ideas I'm talking about.
The BSh'T elevated the idea of seeing one's reflection in another person to a moral imperative. He challenges us to be so humble that we are able to truly connect to other people, and our humility induces humility in the other person until we are each able to show who we really are, and in that way elevate the world to a higher level.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Proverbs 27:19 - Part I - Water as a mirror
Today in beit midrash we studied the following passage from Proverbs 27:19. We focused on verse 19, but the first two are included for context.
יז בַּרְזֶל בְּבַרְזֶל יָחַד וְאִישׁ יַחַד פְּנֵי רֵעֵהוּ.
17 As Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the wit of his friend.
יח נֹצֵר תְּאֵנָה יֹאכַל פִּרְיָהּ וְשֹׁמֵר אֲדֹנָיו יְכֻבָּד.
18 He who tends a fig-tree will enjoy it's fruit; and he who cares for his master shall be honored.
יט כַּמַּיִם הַפָּנִים לַפָּנִים כֵּן לֵב הָאָדָם לָאָדָם.
19 As face answers to face in water, so does one man's heart to another. (JPS Translation)
19. As the water of the face is to the face, thus the heart of man is to a man. (My translation)
It was a very interesting discussion and I was left with three very different ideas.
The first comes from Rashi. He interpreted the verse in two sections:
כמים - הללו הפנים שאתה מראה לתוכן הן מראות לך
Like water - That face that you see within it, it reflects/will show you.
כן לב האדם לאדם - חברו לפי מה שאדם יודע שחבירו אוהבו כן הוא מראה לו פנים
Thus the heart of man is to a man - Friendship is according to how much a man knows that his friend loves him, and he will show his (true) face accordingly (my interpretation). Literally: a friend according to what a man knows that his friend loves him, thus he will show him his face.
The other commentators build on this theme. They take the water to mean a mirror that reflects a person back at himself, and the heart to mean that our friends reflect ourselves back at ourselves. If we feel hate or love for another person, they will probably feel the same way as we do.
I read, in a management book many years ago, that when one is frustrated with an employee, then that employee is probably frustrated with you. And it's a good time to sit and talk with that person and work things out. Here was the very same idea expressed over the past thousand years of Jewish commentary. One of those wow moments for me.
Another way to look at this was to know that we can use our relationships with others to reflect back on ourselves. If everyone is angry at you, then chances are you have some anger issues within yourself and it's a good time to reflect. There is a Hawaiian form of Shamanism called Ho'o-Pono-Pono, of which I've heard that one of the main principles is to find the patient's disharmony inside of yourself, correct it there, and then it will be healed in the patient.
In this sense, if a person wants to do a tsuvah between himself and another person, a good way to do that would be to that would be to find the issue inside of yourself, heal that, and then see how the relationship changes. An example would be if two people are angry at one another, but one of those people is able to work through their anger, and transform it, then probably the relationship can be healed. We can only fix the things over which we have power, and mostly that means the things within ourselves. We can't wait for another person to change, we need to change ourselves.
The next post will be about where the Ba'al Shem Tov takes this idea.
יז בַּרְזֶל בְּבַרְזֶל יָחַד וְאִישׁ יַחַד פְּנֵי רֵעֵהוּ.
17 As Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the wit of his friend.
יח נֹצֵר תְּאֵנָה יֹאכַל פִּרְיָהּ וְשֹׁמֵר אֲדֹנָיו יְכֻבָּד.
18 He who tends a fig-tree will enjoy it's fruit; and he who cares for his master shall be honored.
יט כַּמַּיִם הַפָּנִים לַפָּנִים כֵּן לֵב הָאָדָם לָאָדָם.
19 As face answers to face in water, so does one man's heart to another. (JPS Translation)
19. As the water of the face is to the face, thus the heart of man is to a man. (My translation)
It was a very interesting discussion and I was left with three very different ideas.
The first comes from Rashi. He interpreted the verse in two sections:
כמים - הללו הפנים שאתה מראה לתוכן הן מראות לך
Like water - That face that you see within it, it reflects/will show you.
כן לב האדם לאדם - חברו לפי מה שאדם יודע שחבירו אוהבו כן הוא מראה לו פנים
Thus the heart of man is to a man - Friendship is according to how much a man knows that his friend loves him, and he will show his (true) face accordingly (my interpretation). Literally: a friend according to what a man knows that his friend loves him, thus he will show him his face.
The other commentators build on this theme. They take the water to mean a mirror that reflects a person back at himself, and the heart to mean that our friends reflect ourselves back at ourselves. If we feel hate or love for another person, they will probably feel the same way as we do.
I read, in a management book many years ago, that when one is frustrated with an employee, then that employee is probably frustrated with you. And it's a good time to sit and talk with that person and work things out. Here was the very same idea expressed over the past thousand years of Jewish commentary. One of those wow moments for me.
Another way to look at this was to know that we can use our relationships with others to reflect back on ourselves. If everyone is angry at you, then chances are you have some anger issues within yourself and it's a good time to reflect. There is a Hawaiian form of Shamanism called Ho'o-Pono-Pono, of which I've heard that one of the main principles is to find the patient's disharmony inside of yourself, correct it there, and then it will be healed in the patient.
In this sense, if a person wants to do a tsuvah between himself and another person, a good way to do that would be to that would be to find the issue inside of yourself, heal that, and then see how the relationship changes. An example would be if two people are angry at one another, but one of those people is able to work through their anger, and transform it, then probably the relationship can be healed. We can only fix the things over which we have power, and mostly that means the things within ourselves. We can't wait for another person to change, we need to change ourselves.
The next post will be about where the Ba'al Shem Tov takes this idea.
Amulet making part II - the difficulties of connection
As I wrote earlier, I am in the process of making an amulet for someone I know who is going through a tough time. Two weeks ago I completed the brass prototype of the design (pictures below). I made a prototype to learn the skills needed to make jewelry and to see how the design would look. It came out pretty well, if I do say so myself. So this past week I bought some silver and began work on the real thing.
While I was working, I took out a picture of the person for whom the amulet is being made and placed it in front of me . My thinking was to connect to her energy while I was creating the amulet so it would be linked to her. In creating the prototype amulet, I snapped two hacksaw blades (they are very, very thin). In the first twenty minutes of working on this amulet, I snapped six blades. My cuts were uneven and ragged, and nothing seemed to be going well. I stopped working and took a moment to try to figure out what was going on - my body was relaxed, my hands were soft, but my energy was crazy.
I realized I connected to her and had drawn her energy into the room with me. She is in a chaotic and crazy place in her life where things just don't seem to be working out as she wants them too, and that was effecting my work on the amulet. Once I realized that's what was going on, I was able to change my connection to one of healing. In that way, the making of the amulet became a tikkun for her, not just an object of power.
It was still difficult to complete the cutting, but I was able to do so without breaking any more blades and emerged with something I was happy with. The more I worked, the more focused I had became, and the smoother things went. I am hoping the energetic of 'chaos to focus' will stick with the amulet and help her along.
The front:
(The letters are done in ancient Hebrew writing, and I have a lot to learn about how to photograph jewelry - sorry!)
Back:
While I was working, I took out a picture of the person for whom the amulet is being made and placed it in front of me . My thinking was to connect to her energy while I was creating the amulet so it would be linked to her. In creating the prototype amulet, I snapped two hacksaw blades (they are very, very thin). In the first twenty minutes of working on this amulet, I snapped six blades. My cuts were uneven and ragged, and nothing seemed to be going well. I stopped working and took a moment to try to figure out what was going on - my body was relaxed, my hands were soft, but my energy was crazy.
I realized I connected to her and had drawn her energy into the room with me. She is in a chaotic and crazy place in her life where things just don't seem to be working out as she wants them too, and that was effecting my work on the amulet. Once I realized that's what was going on, I was able to change my connection to one of healing. In that way, the making of the amulet became a tikkun for her, not just an object of power.
It was still difficult to complete the cutting, but I was able to do so without breaking any more blades and emerged with something I was happy with. The more I worked, the more focused I had became, and the smoother things went. I am hoping the energetic of 'chaos to focus' will stick with the amulet and help her along.
The front:
(The letters are done in ancient Hebrew writing, and I have a lot to learn about how to photograph jewelry - sorry!)
Back:
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