Intention counts too

Malachi 3:16

אז נדברו יראי יהוה איש את־רעהו ויקשב יהוה וישמע ויכתב ספר זכרון לפניו ליראי יהוה ולחשבי שמו׃

It was spoken between those who feared God, each man to his friend, and God paid attention and heard and it was written in the book of remembrance before him about those who feared God and those who thought of him.

In Masechet Berachot 6a in the Talmud we find a discussion of this biblical passage. The first part of the discussion uses this passage to demonstrate that each time two people meet to study Torah, the shechina is present. My experience is that the shechina is present whenever two souls truly connect, though studying the torah definitely makes it easier. This is a topic I wrote about earlier.

What follows is a wonderful lesson. Rav Ashi teaches that the last phrase "and those who thought of him" refers to those who thought about doing a mitzvah, but "were coerced and failed to do so". He continues that we learn from Malachi that God writes their deeds in the book of remembrance as if they had done the mitzvah. Later commentators teach that the coercion comes from the Yetzer Harah, the evil inclination, which always tells us to not do mitzvot. So even when we think of doing a mitzvah, we have to push through the additional layer of the yetzer harah in order to do it. If we don't always make it, we still get credit for trying.

What I love about this is the inherent forgiveness it implies. It's easy to beat oneself up for not doing things on a regular basis. I constantly hear people disparaging themselves for not meditating or praying or studying or working out or eating right, and sometimes using that as an way to keep themselves from doing it. Rav Ashi gives us another way a looking at it. We get credit for truly intending to do something that we just didn't manage to get done. Since the need for spiritual practice is the same everyday, we always get another chance to do it. We get credit for our intention, so we don't have to feel bad about not getting to it, and we get to try again tomorrow. It is our responsibility to try to be better, and if there are things that prevent us, even our own inclinations, we just have to try again with no punishment because we missed the time before. What a wonderful way of looking at things!

The balance of Rain

In class today, we discussed a section of the Zohar where the sephirah of חסד-Hesed (loving kindness and compassion) is referred to as water. Hesed, in Kabbalah, is in tension with גבורה-Gevurah (strength and boundaries), which balances in תפארת-Tiferet (splendor). In the daily prayers, the prayer for rain is called גבורת גשמים (gevurat Geshamim), or the power of the rains. In this context we pray for the balance between gevruah and hesed.

One of my classmates pointed out that if there was just hesed and the water came all at once, it would be like a tsunami - incredibly destructive. If there was just gevurah, we would have a storm with no rain, which would also be destructive. So we require the balance between the two to enable the rain to come down in little drops (hesed held within gevurah) that are nourishing to us and the earth. We always need a balance between strength and compassion because too much of either doesn't heal anyone.

The tensions that move us forward

I've been thinking more about the Ba'al Shem Tov's tips for perpetual growth - sowing tears and harvesting joy (though he really just focuses on the tears). I have been taught that one of the differences between Judaism and many eastern religions is that in Judaism there is no concept of becoming enlightened. In Judaism, there is a dynamic tension created between the world as it is and the world as it could be. We are always trying to find ways to do tikkun in the world, and, more importantly, on ourselves. The Ba'al Shem Tov is outlining one of the methods for using that tension to continue to grow.

(As a side note, the goal of all of this tikkun is to repair the world so that the messiah can come. My personal feeling is that when the messiah gets here, no one will notice. We will bring about the messianic age bit by bit and tear by tear. We repair the world slowly, as we repair ourselves gradually. There will be no huge event when the messiah comes, no great jump forward, he will just show up and, God willing, be like everyone else. The messiah is not a person who will come to save us, we will save ourselves and thus bring the messiah to us.)

I have been spending some time looking at my life and seeing the tensions that drive me forward. I am old enough to start seeing patterns in my behavior and to see that many issues in my life return after I thought I had dealt with them. I have changed my focus now in how I follow the patterns of my life. What I am looking for now is the tensions that create those issues. A clear example is my marriage. I can see the differences between my wife and I that create friction, but they also drive us to deepen and strengthen our relationship. Though the will probably never be resolved, they push us both forward to become better people.

I would suggest to everyone to take a moment and consider the recurrent issues in your lives, and then examine the tensions that create those issues. Are there tensions that create growth? Are there tensions that create self-destructive behavior? Are there tensions in which you get to choose a nourishing or a destructive path? The next step is to strengthen the tensions that force us to grow, and get out of the destructive ones. The goal is not to become enlightened, but to meet the tensions with wisdom and grow from them. To give power to those things which help us to do Tikkun, and take the power away from those things that lead us to Yetzer ha-Rah (evil inclination).

Praising the growing, not the growth

From the Sefer Ba'al Shem Tov , Mishpatim 16.
Below is my translation and then my interpretation.

It is based on Psalm 126:

(1) A Song of ascents.
When the lord restores the fortunes of Zion
--We see it as a dream --
(2) our mouths shall be filled with laughter,
our tongues, with songs of joy.
Then shall they say among the nations,
"The Lord has done great things for them!"
(3) The Lord will do great things for us,
and we shall rejoice

(4) Restore our fortunes, O Lord,
Like waterways in the Negev.
(5) They who sow in tears
Shall reap with songs of joy.
(6) though he goes along weeping,
carrying the seed bag (or spreading the seeds he carries),
he shall come back with songs of joy,
carrying his sheaves.

The Ba'al Shem Tov teaches:

If he walks from [spiritual] step to [spiritual] step and desires to achieve more, he is really like the Ayn Sof (without end - a name of God) in that there is no end to his potential. Thus is the man who has the attribute to obtain the stream that comes from Ayn Sof.

But the man who says I have enough in what I can learn. This is not success only straw and hay which are klipot (shells - spiritual blocks).

And the explanation of the verse: "(6) though he goes along weeping" is that it says that if he wants to walk from [spiritual] step to [spiritual] step then all that he has obtained is already not enough for him. This is the "carrying/spreading the seed bag," that Ayn Sof has given him.

Thus someone who says "He shall come back", as if he has already been to top of the steps, and he is in "joy" all the time. And who says my soul is at peace because he has learned a lot of Torah, and doesn't need any more. This is "carrying his sheaves", and they are nothing but straw and hay.


My interpretation is more cyclic. You need to keep walking, keep searching for knowledge. Keep spreading and sowing seeds to rise up from step to step. Otherwise, in the passage of time, you will be left with only the fruits of the harvest - straw and hay. Because if you stop planting, the straw and hay will soon be used up or be blown away. And you will be left with nothing.

The cycle is sown with tears and harvested with joy. To grow, we need to look to our tears. To find the frustrations and short-comings in our learning and practice so we can grow. If not, we will soon find ourselves surrounded with only dead straw, with no young plants to nourish us in the future.

When a person is always happy, he is not moving forward. Each challenge in life follows this cycle: we get frustrated with ourselves about something so we work hard to grow in the area. At some point, something happens to make us realize how much we have grown and find we are no longer frustrated in the same way. A wise person meets their problems with wisdom and grows. A fool doesn't engage in their problems and doesn't grow. A wise person welcomes the cycle of tears and joy, but looks for the tears always knowing that there is further to go.

I am reminded of an article on how to praise children by Carol Dweck. She would say that one should praise oneself and others for the process of growing, for the tears, rather than for the accomplishment, the joy. I think the Ba'al Shem Tov would subscribe to her philosophy - he praises us in the teaching above for always striving to be better, not for the success in having grown.

More thoughts on Wheat and bakers - Zohar 176/a-b

I've been thinking about what I wrote and realizing that "one who comes in and goes out" probably refers to one who can enter and exit the spirit world. One of the traditional roles of a shaman is to enter the spiritual world for information. While they are there, they gain an understanding of the essence of a person or thing, and then bring that understanding back to the physical world for the purpose of healing. But often, when they are back, the shaman then needs to do some counseling or other type of healing to help the person make proper use of the information.

One reason I don't like week-end shaman seminars is that a person gains understanding and then has no structure for using that to implement change in their lives. Change seems to take place slowly over long periods of time, and as such, a weekend can be beneficial as part of longer term work, but there needs to be a recognition of the needed follow-up.

So it is with the person who enters and exits, they need to be able to live in this world and be able to travel in the spiritual world. Without either, they are limited. So this frames the work a person needs to do if they are on the shaman's path: they need to be work on easily traveling back and forth into and out of the spiritual world. They need to understand wheat, but also how to bake bread because if you understand wheat, you can make some really good bread. but if all you understand is wheat, you don't even try to cook.

I think one of the traps I fall into is dismissing people who are good bakers because they don't get the wheat. I tend to say that people are not worth learning from because they don't understand the spiritual aspects of what they do, but they may be very good at what they do nevertheless. It's then up to me to learn as much as I can from them and then add the spiritual component to make it more meaningful to me. And also to know when people are good at wheat, but not so good in this world.

equalization

A interesting energetic pattern I've noticed lately is one of opposition in a relationship. There are times when my wife and I find ourselves in an interesting dynamic where one of us starts to head in a direction that has some sort of difficult emotional component for one or, usually, both of us. So in reaction, the other person starts to resist and head in the opposite direction. At some point, this dynamic assumes an energetic of it's own which is apart from whatever emotional components spawned it. At that point, we have to go through two steps: dealing with the difficult emotions, and removing the oppositional dynamic. These two are often related to one another, and are not always two distinct movements, but both need to be deal with.

What is even more interesting is that often, if one partner is still, even in the face of difficult emotions, the moment of the opposition will resolve itself before it spins into it's own energetic, and then the difficult emotions can be dealt with without the struggle. Though there are times when the oppositional dynamic is needed to power us and bring us forward into a new, better place. Those are times when we would not take such a strong or extreme stand if it was not in reaction to the other person, but that is the place where we actually belong. As the opposition resolves, we find a new equalization which is better (one hopes) for the two us.