Today in Ulpan (intensive Hebrew class at Hebrew University), we were sitting in the botanical garden while one of our classmates gave a short talk. Twice a week, one of the students in the class has to give a five to ten minute presentation (in Hebrew) about anything they want. When the student got up to talk, I expected her to give a short talk about knitting, which is what she had been thinking about yesterday, or something about the botanical garden, because we were there. Instead, she told us her grandparents were Holocaust survivors and she wanted to talk about the Holocaust.
As she starting talking about her visit to Poland last year, and some of the conditions here grandparents had to live through, I was filled with an immense sadness. At first I thought it was because I haven't really thought about the holocaust for a long time, and was not expecting to be hearing about how little they ate or how disgusting the building was that served as their bathroom, but then I realized I was connecting to something deeper.
I began to pay attention and realized that her grandparents had shown up. I think I was connecting with their feelings. As the presenter finished her talk she told us that she had decided to continue with university here in Israel and was not planning on returning to the states. Her grandparents could not have been more proud.
After class ended, I told her that her grandparents had shown up and they were proud of her. She kind of looked at me in a confused way, said thank you, and went on her way. I don't know if it meant anything to her, but I know it's what they wanted me to say, so I needed to do it.
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Monday, March 19, 2007
God and the MBTA
This morning I searched the house in Vain for my "Charlie Card" - the plastic ticket that gives me cheaper fares on the MBTA, our local subway. It was really frustrating to not be able to find it.
When I got on the bus, I asked the driver if there was anyway I could get the free subway transfer without the card. "No" is what he said. Still frustrated, I got off the bus and walked the five minutes to the trolley stop. I was going to try to buy a ticket for the train fare that would allow me to transfer on the way home, but the machine didn't dispense the Charlie Cards. Frustrated again, I glanced over at a nearby machine and found a ticket for a free subway ride sticking out of it. Apparently, someone had purchased it and not taken it. There was no else there, so I took it and got a free ride the rest of the way to work.
On the way home, I asked the trolley driver where if I could get the Charlie card from her, but She was all out. I sat down right behind her, only to have her call me back and tell me that she'd arranged for someone to meet us at the next stop so I could get a card. And sure enough, at the next stop, an "inspector" showed up with a card. As I thanked him for it, I asked if there was a way to use it for the transfer. Hmm, both he and the driver said. They spent the next two stops trying to figure it out, but couldn't. Finally he asked me what bus I was going to. When I told him it was about a five minute walk from the train, he looked outside and said "it's a nice day, I'll walk over with you." And he did.
So what happened? I was angry in the morning, but by the time I got the bus stop, I wasn't anymore. But I didn't give up trying to get my transfers, because I asked the drivers to help me. Somehow my anger in the morning built up power that I followed all day. Now I have to figure out how to do this on purpose!
When I got on the bus, I asked the driver if there was anyway I could get the free subway transfer without the card. "No" is what he said. Still frustrated, I got off the bus and walked the five minutes to the trolley stop. I was going to try to buy a ticket for the train fare that would allow me to transfer on the way home, but the machine didn't dispense the Charlie Cards. Frustrated again, I glanced over at a nearby machine and found a ticket for a free subway ride sticking out of it. Apparently, someone had purchased it and not taken it. There was no else there, so I took it and got a free ride the rest of the way to work.
On the way home, I asked the trolley driver where if I could get the Charlie card from her, but She was all out. I sat down right behind her, only to have her call me back and tell me that she'd arranged for someone to meet us at the next stop so I could get a card. And sure enough, at the next stop, an "inspector" showed up with a card. As I thanked him for it, I asked if there was a way to use it for the transfer. Hmm, both he and the driver said. They spent the next two stops trying to figure it out, but couldn't. Finally he asked me what bus I was going to. When I told him it was about a five minute walk from the train, he looked outside and said "it's a nice day, I'll walk over with you." And he did.
So what happened? I was angry in the morning, but by the time I got the bus stop, I wasn't anymore. But I didn't give up trying to get my transfers, because I asked the drivers to help me. Somehow my anger in the morning built up power that I followed all day. Now I have to figure out how to do this on purpose!
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Akiva and the Jewish angels
R. Akiva came to me when I was studying Hagigah the other day. The tractate was about why Abuyah committed heresy and became Acher. It talked about Akiva getting to Pardes by means of the angels carrying him there, and that the angels that carried him were the angels that were assigned to Akiva. I likened this to the 27 ancestral souls that one calls in the shamanism I've learned. Akiva told me that his angels were Jewish ones, called by Jewish means. Abuyah's angels were mixed with the Greek and roman angels that fascinated him. That's why Abuyah was led astray after he returned to Pardes. Akivah was very firm that the practice had to be Jewish in order to lead one in the right direction.
I had always assumed that we all go to the same place, just by different paths. There is one god, but we all experience him differently. Akivah seemed to think differently. That we really do get to different places and if one wants to get to a Jewish God, one needs to use Jewish ways of getting there.
My mentor John said that he thinks that we do get to the same place, but the way we get there helps to determine how we experience it. Kind of like wearing different color glasses - you may be looking at the same thing, it just appears differently.
I don't know what to think, though I think the two viewpoints, from a practical point of view, aren't really very different.
I had always assumed that we all go to the same place, just by different paths. There is one god, but we all experience him differently. Akivah seemed to think differently. That we really do get to different places and if one wants to get to a Jewish God, one needs to use Jewish ways of getting there.
My mentor John said that he thinks that we do get to the same place, but the way we get there helps to determine how we experience it. Kind of like wearing different color glasses - you may be looking at the same thing, it just appears differently.
I don't know what to think, though I think the two viewpoints, from a practical point of view, aren't really very different.
Receiving and sending
In Malcolm Gladwell's "The Tipping Point", he talks about how people are influenced by the moods and emotions of others on an unconscious level. The study he cites is that two minutes in the presence of another, not even talking to them, can change one's mood. He goes on to write that there are people who are senders and people who are receivers, that is, some people influence others (charisma) and some are more influenced by others.
It's clear to me that we are all a mix of both, but one type can dominate. For me, I am often a receiver. One of the ways that I can learn about the emotional state of my patients is to observe how my own mood changes when they enter the room. At times, I will even feel their symptoms in my own body. But I am also a sender when I heal. I enter a trance like state in which I am deeply relaxed, and I can feel my patients relax as well.
but I also know that I can be a good sender when I am in a dark mood - making those around feel agitated and annoyed very easily. So I guess one challenge is to figure out how to send out warmth and love when needed so people feel nurtured.
Often I will feel myself changing who I am in reaction to others. My manner of being, my responses sometimes seem foreign to me and I wonder if I'm doing this because it is what the person needs to heal, or if it's because this is what the person wants or expects from me. My guess is that if I stay connected to God, then however I react to a person will be healing, even if it's not nice on the surface (though that's rare).
The image I always had was to aspire to be that person who stood tall, commanded attention, and inspired all around him to a new direction. But I think, as a receiver, that my healing will mostly be one on one or in small groups. That way, I can react to the person, where I can be different with different people and not aspire to treating everyone the same way.
It's clear to me that we are all a mix of both, but one type can dominate. For me, I am often a receiver. One of the ways that I can learn about the emotional state of my patients is to observe how my own mood changes when they enter the room. At times, I will even feel their symptoms in my own body. But I am also a sender when I heal. I enter a trance like state in which I am deeply relaxed, and I can feel my patients relax as well.
but I also know that I can be a good sender when I am in a dark mood - making those around feel agitated and annoyed very easily. So I guess one challenge is to figure out how to send out warmth and love when needed so people feel nurtured.
Often I will feel myself changing who I am in reaction to others. My manner of being, my responses sometimes seem foreign to me and I wonder if I'm doing this because it is what the person needs to heal, or if it's because this is what the person wants or expects from me. My guess is that if I stay connected to God, then however I react to a person will be healing, even if it's not nice on the surface (though that's rare).
The image I always had was to aspire to be that person who stood tall, commanded attention, and inspired all around him to a new direction. But I think, as a receiver, that my healing will mostly be one on one or in small groups. That way, I can react to the person, where I can be different with different people and not aspire to treating everyone the same way.
Monday, December 18, 2006
A talk with Jacob
I was reading the Torah portion last week and was intrigued by the story of Dinah (Genesis 34). What puzzled me most was Jacob's silence through most of the story, only to be broken when he berates his sons for what they've done.
So I called the soul of Jacob to get some insight. I do this by reading words that Jacob said in the Torah. A few years ago, I discovered that when I read a text, I feel the presence of the soul of the author. The more spiritually powerful the author, the clearer their soul feels to me. One of the amazing things about the Tanach is that if I read the words spoken by characters in the Tanach, I feel their presence. The Torah itself, at least at this point, is transparent, that is to say, I feel the people being written about, not the author. The Talmud, on the other hand, I find very difficult to reach souls because it feels like there are too many authors, too many redactors. So I called the soul of Jacob.
He told me to understand that Dinah was still a child when she was raped. She was raped, held captive, and then the rapist thought he fell in love with her and had the gaul to ask her father to let him marry her. Jacob asked me, as a father of two young girls, to imagine what I would feel like if anything like that happened to my daughter, even in a culture where they were married much younger than today. He was silent because he was paralyzed by his rage. He knew that shechem held the power, but his rage prevented him from knowing how to respond in such a way as to avoid a war and get his daughter back. He knew that his sons were better liars than he, and they did not shy away from violence.
When they came home, they were able to find the still, cold place in their anger and lure Shechem and his father Hamor into weakening themselves so they could be overcome and Dinah could be freed. But Jacob didn't realize they would take it so far as to kill the entire city. He just wanted to kill Shechem and Hamor and get Dinah back . That was why he chastised them.
So I called the soul of Jacob to get some insight. I do this by reading words that Jacob said in the Torah. A few years ago, I discovered that when I read a text, I feel the presence of the soul of the author. The more spiritually powerful the author, the clearer their soul feels to me. One of the amazing things about the Tanach is that if I read the words spoken by characters in the Tanach, I feel their presence. The Torah itself, at least at this point, is transparent, that is to say, I feel the people being written about, not the author. The Talmud, on the other hand, I find very difficult to reach souls because it feels like there are too many authors, too many redactors. So I called the soul of Jacob.
He told me to understand that Dinah was still a child when she was raped. She was raped, held captive, and then the rapist thought he fell in love with her and had the gaul to ask her father to let him marry her. Jacob asked me, as a father of two young girls, to imagine what I would feel like if anything like that happened to my daughter, even in a culture where they were married much younger than today. He was silent because he was paralyzed by his rage. He knew that shechem held the power, but his rage prevented him from knowing how to respond in such a way as to avoid a war and get his daughter back. He knew that his sons were better liars than he, and they did not shy away from violence.
When they came home, they were able to find the still, cold place in their anger and lure Shechem and his father Hamor into weakening themselves so they could be overcome and Dinah could be freed. But Jacob didn't realize they would take it so far as to kill the entire city. He just wanted to kill Shechem and Hamor and get Dinah back . That was why he chastised them.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
blink
I just finished Blink by Malcolm Gladwell and was very impressed by it. One piece that particularly struck me was his description of the food tasters (chapter five, pp 176-186). They were able to train their taste buds to an extreme - even being able to taste the differences between different quality ingredients in different batches of the same foods. Gladwell writes that they are able to understand so much about their tastes because they have an extensive vocabulary to describe what they are tasting. They are able to talk extensively about a brief moment of taste. Gladwell's book is all about how people make snap decisions, so this fits right into his theme.
Earlier, he writes that most people who are asked to describe why they like or dislike something end up changing their opinions once they have tried to justify it. They lose that moment of experience to the longer thinking process. The food tasters are able to hold onto their initial opinions because they were trained to accurate describe the initial experience and therefore don't need to change the taste to fit the description.
I see a clear link between this and shamanism. When I first began having shamanic experiences, my initial reaction was to try to explain what happened. Part of working with a teacher was having him explain what was happening, but I still wanted a clearer idea of what was going on. It's the same as driving a car: you press on the gas and the car goes, but most people have no idea what's going on under the hood. I used to be an auto mechanic so I have a pretty good idea what's going on. I know all the names of the parts and what they do. Shamanic healing is a lot like driving. I turn on the key and call the souls. Then I drive around, though not always knowing where I'm going, and then people get healthy. I have no idea what's going on under the hood: what makes the car move or how the engine works.
In my practice, I've found that the Jewish explanations for the experiences seem to most accurately describe what's happening, which is why I try to study as much as possible. But I've heard a lot of crazy explanations for what's going on once you turn the key. It seems that people can't accurately describe what they are experiencing (myself included) and so we do our best to come up with an explanation. And the explanation sometimes, or often, changes what we experience. I've seen that often the explanation is more about the practitioner than the experience.
So what if we took a page from the tasters and came up with a detailed vocabulary for describing the experience of driving the shamanic car. Not how it works as I think that's beyond us and will always remain a mystery, but what we actually experience. I have no idea how to do this, but am curious to see what I can come up with.
Earlier, he writes that most people who are asked to describe why they like or dislike something end up changing their opinions once they have tried to justify it. They lose that moment of experience to the longer thinking process. The food tasters are able to hold onto their initial opinions because they were trained to accurate describe the initial experience and therefore don't need to change the taste to fit the description.
I see a clear link between this and shamanism. When I first began having shamanic experiences, my initial reaction was to try to explain what happened. Part of working with a teacher was having him explain what was happening, but I still wanted a clearer idea of what was going on. It's the same as driving a car: you press on the gas and the car goes, but most people have no idea what's going on under the hood. I used to be an auto mechanic so I have a pretty good idea what's going on. I know all the names of the parts and what they do. Shamanic healing is a lot like driving. I turn on the key and call the souls. Then I drive around, though not always knowing where I'm going, and then people get healthy. I have no idea what's going on under the hood: what makes the car move or how the engine works.
In my practice, I've found that the Jewish explanations for the experiences seem to most accurately describe what's happening, which is why I try to study as much as possible. But I've heard a lot of crazy explanations for what's going on once you turn the key. It seems that people can't accurately describe what they are experiencing (myself included) and so we do our best to come up with an explanation. And the explanation sometimes, or often, changes what we experience. I've seen that often the explanation is more about the practitioner than the experience.
So what if we took a page from the tasters and came up with a detailed vocabulary for describing the experience of driving the shamanic car. Not how it works as I think that's beyond us and will always remain a mystery, but what we actually experience. I have no idea how to do this, but am curious to see what I can come up with.
Wednesday, December 6, 2006
a beginning
I'm starting this blog to explore the shamanic within Jewish Mysticism. Shamanism and mysticism are not that different - they are both related to direct experience of God and the ability to perceive and interact with the spirit world. Shamanism is mostly concerned with one's ability to heal. Jewish Mystics have often been healers, and my intention is to try to look at these mystics to understand how they healed. The next step is to come up with a "Seder halacha", a method for doing, and try to bring their words off of the page to learn how to heal as they did.
I bring to this my training as an acupuncturist, craniosacral therapist, and shaman. I have been studying with a shaman for the past seven years. I am hoping that my training and my healing practice will give me the tools to understand what the Jewish mystics did. And hopefully I am not so immersed in them that I will be unable to avoid the trap of finding new names for what I already do, rather than finding new things to do.
I will also post notes and translations for things that I do in the hopes that others will be able to find ways of making these mystical practices work.
I bring to this my training as an acupuncturist, craniosacral therapist, and shaman. I have been studying with a shaman for the past seven years. I am hoping that my training and my healing practice will give me the tools to understand what the Jewish mystics did. And hopefully I am not so immersed in them that I will be unable to avoid the trap of finding new names for what I already do, rather than finding new things to do.
I will also post notes and translations for things that I do in the hopes that others will be able to find ways of making these mystical practices work.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
